My Parents Lied!

Yes, Dear Reader, for those seven magical years my three brothers, The Sister, and I spent growing up on that old familiar street not so far away, my parents lied to us – and not just once. Looking back, they lied to us a bunch of times throughout our childhood, but they weren’t alone. If you think back to your childhood, I bet your parents lied too, and they probably used some of the very same lies. Just keep reading to see if any of this sound familiar.

There were so many lies to choose from it’s hard to know where to begin, but since as I have a birthday coming up in a couple of weeks, we’ll start there. 

My parents told us we couldn’t eat a slice of cake for breakfast. They were technically right, we couldn’t…while they were looking. For the record, when I turned seven, I didn’t eat a slice of cake for breakfast the next morning. I ate half a cake, got really sick, and promised never to do it again. It’s a promise I’ve kept for the last 61 years. 

“Don’t cross your eyes. They’ll get stuck that way.” This was another big lie our parents told us. My eyes never got “stuck.” 

A couple of years ago I asked the doctor that was about to operate on my eyes if my condition had anything to do with all that eye crossing I did as a kid. He laughed, shook his head, and replied, “I’ve never heard that one before.” When I woke up, the doctor said my vision would be as good as when I was a kid. I promised him, just in case, that I’d never look crossed eyed at anyone ever again. 

“Stop making that ugly face at your sister or it’ll freeze that way.” Yet another lie my parents told us. For years I kept making faces at The Sister, and not once did it ever get stuck. Still, on my follow up visit, I did ask my eye doctor if he could fix my face. He shook his head and said he only did eyes.

The lie that wasn’t.

“Don’t crack your knuckles. You’ll get arthritis.” I heard this every time I cracked my knuckles. I didn’t know who or what arthritis was, so I didn’t much care. Now, looking down at my hands fumbling at the keyboard, I certainly do know who and what arthritis is. And for all my young readers out there (especially my two granddaughters), stop cracking your knuckles or you’ll get arthritis. I’ll add something my parents didn’t. If you keep doing it, when you get older, you’ll be able to tell when bad weather is coming because it will make your hands hurt badly. (I guess, my parents were right about this one.)

The Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, Santa, and the Boogie Monster – the list is almost endless. Having been a parent and now a grandparent, I’ve repeated all the childhood stories told to us. I could keep writing for hours about the lies we were told, but there’s a bad storm coming and my arthritic hands are hurting, so I will leave you with one last thought.

Not all childhood lies are bad, and not all are good.

After I got so sick the day after my seventh birthday, I promised my parents I would never eat cake again for breakfast. I have a birthday coming up in a couple of weeks, and the morning after, I’m gonna eat a slice of cake for breakfast…perhaps even two. 

And that’s no lie.