Men are just babies


This is another article that could get me kicked out of the men’s club, but someone has to write about it and it might as well be me.

Old sayings tend to be sprinkled with a lot of truth. Old sayings like, “He married someone that reminded him of his mother.” Let’s face it, guys: when it comes right down to it, we’re all just a bunch of babies. Man babies.

See, I told ya this article would get me in a lot of hot water with my fellow Neanderthals out there. But I’m sorry, men are just big babies who want to be pampered and coddled throughout life. I know — I’m one of them. And I’m not too proud to admit it. When The Wife does those little extra things to make my life more comfortable, I like it. Yes, I’m a man baby.

Being a man baby is not so bad. It has many advantages, much like being a little baby. They’re very similar. Disagree? Well, maybe I can convince you otherwise with a comparison of the small baby you hold in your arms and the big baby your wife holds in hers — the big baby being you, of course.

When little babies are hungry, they cry and if you don’t feed them quickly, they cry even louder and get really grumpy. When they get their bottle and they’re fed, everything’s fine. The Wife says that when I skip lunch, around 5 in the afternoon I get really really grumpy and hard to be around. The only way I stop being grumpy is when she fixes me a little snack to tide me over to dinner.

Still don’t see the comparison? Here’s another example: Babies can’t do anything for themselves – well, like laundry. If you didn’t pick up after a baby there would be laundry strewn all over the house: baby bibs, blankets, itsy-bitsy socks, night clothes. Little babies create an inordinate amount of dirty laundry.

Man babies do, too, and I speak from years of experience on this topic. I can go through three to four different sets of clothes in just one day — workout clothes in the morning, t-shirt and blue jeans during the day, sweats to lounge around in after dinner, and PJs at bedtime. Most of which never make the trip to laundry room. Still haven’t convinced you that men are just big babies? Well read on, dear reader, read on.

One of the best things little babies do is they make all those strange noises and facial gestures. They gurgle, giggle, and coo, all the while entertaining us with the expressions on their faces.

Men babies are no different – they make funny faces and sounds also. When I get up after sitting too long in front of the computer or the day after that long golf game, I make a face distorted with pain. Old muscles resent being used. The noises from my creaking joints are heard down the hallway as I make my way to the hot tub for some relief.

Here’s one last comparison of little babies to the man babies out there. Little babies will scream and throw a temper tantrum ‘til they get what they want. Man babies do the same thing. Ever wanted to buy something and your wife said no? What did you do? I tell you what you did; you bugged her and pouted till you got it — right? I rest my case, Man Baby.

There’s another old saying; it kinda goes like this: If the wife ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy – not even the man baby around the house.

And she ain’t gonna be happy if she has to do all the cooking, laundry, and cleaning the house all by herself, after working a full-time job. Like I said, there’s a lot of truth in those old sayings.

So all you man babies out there, get up off the couch; the Braves can win without you tonight. Get your own adult beverage – you can drink it while you cook dinner. And while you’re at it, the laundry monster is getting out of hand. It’s not gonna kill you to help out just a little around the house.

See, I told you: a lot of hate email will be coming my way because of this one, but this man baby’s too busy to read any of it right now. It’s time to cook dinner and there’s a huge load of laundry that needs to be folded.