Ask Margar-Etiquette about Lack of Banquet Decorum

Dear Margar-etiquette,

I recently attended a banquet where guests ranged from teenagers to retirees. While the event itself was lovely, the dining experience was… challenging. There was loud chewing, talking with mouths full, phones on the table, elbows crowding neighboring place settings, and some rather unappetizing table habits that made it difficult to enjoy the meal.

I understand that not everyone was raised with formal dining instruction, but when we gather in a shared setting like a banquet, shouldn’t there be a baseline of decorum? How does one navigate this gracefully without becoming judgmental or visibly uncomfortable?

Trying to Keep My Appetite

Dear Trying to Keep My Appetite,

Etiquette in shared settings is as much about tolerance as it is about standards. Not every setting will meet our personal expectations, and not every guest will share the same level of awareness. Civility asks us to maintain dignity without policing others.

The guiding principle remains simple: protect the atmosphere. A banquet is meant to celebrate, honor, or gather in goodwill. By maintaining your own composure, you contribute to that environment regardless of what others choose.

Banquets are, by nature, shared experiences. They bring together people of different generations, backgrounds, and social norms around a common table. That diversity can be enriching — and occasionally distracting.

Dining etiquette exists not to impress, but to protect the comfort of others. The sounds of chewing, the sight of partially chewed food during conversation, excessive reaching across plates, or the visible use of phones at the table draw attention away from fellowship and toward individual habits. When that happens, the communal experience suffers.

That said, a banquet is not a private dinner party. It is a public gathering, and with public gatherings comes a range of behaviors. The most effective response is not correction, but composure.

First, anchor yourself in your own manners. Sit upright. Use utensils thoughtfully. Keep conversation pleasant and measured. Make eye contact with those speaking. Your steadiness often sets a subtle tone.

Second, redirect your focus toward connection rather than irritation. Engage those near you in light conversation. If someone begins speaking with food in their mouth, allow them to finish before responding. If table behavior becomes visually unappetizing, shift your gaze naturally and continue the conversation without commentary.

If, however, behavior crosses into genuine disruption — such as loud arguments, inappropriate remarks, or actions that compromise hygiene — it is appropriate to quietly involve event staff rather than confront a guest directly.

Good luck at your next event. Grace at the table often means choosing restraint over reaction.

With appreciation for the shared table,

Margar-etiquette