Face Stickers

There was a time in my life when I wanted to go around wearing a paper bag over my head. Not just during Halloween, but every day. Upon turning thirteen, the world’s worst case of acne showed up, landed on my face, and decided to make my life miserable for the next five years. Acne didn’t seem to care, but a bunch of other kids did. And they made it clear with not the friendliest comments.

“Crater Face.”

“Acne Monster.”

“Pizza Face.”

These are just a few that I remember; others are not printable in this family-friendly column. Being tormented for five years just because of the way I looked lowered my self-esteem, to say the least. 

I tried every lotion and wash available and even tried sunlamps to make it go away. Once I even used Mom’s makeup before going to school. That was the day that, whenever he saw me, Bully Brad laughed so hard he couldn’t even punch. For five years I tried to hide from the world. I didn’t want anyone looking at my face. 

A lot has changed in 55 years.

Last Wednesday, while venturing away from our kindergarten hallway, I was walking with our class to the gym. (They simply love Coach – but that’s a story for another time.) This story is or, rather, was about trying to hide so no one would look at my face. As we made our way down the hallways, the fifth-grade classes were going to lunch. When we passed them, I noticed some had stickers on their faces. Some had only one or two; others had half a dozen. I chuckled and even made a comment to one student, “Nice stars.”

They were not amused.

In my defense, I had no idea why they had blue stars, yellow moons, pink circles, or purple squares stuck on their faces. Working in kindergarten, I’m used to kids with stickers on their faces. Heck, I’ve been known to walk around with a sticker or two on my face, just for laughs. The sticker-faced fifth-grade students going to lunch? 

None of them were laughing. 

I left school that day still not knowing why the fifth-grade kids were wearing all those stickers, and once home, I’d forgotten about the entire incident – until later that evening. Right after dinner, The Wife asked me how my day was, so I told her about the mysterious incident in the hallway with the fifth graders and ended with, “And I still have no idea why they were wearing all those stickers.”

When she finished laughing, she told me, “Under each of those stickers is a pimple they are trying to hide.”

Perplexed I asked, “So a brightly colored sticker all over your face is better than looking at pimples?”

“Apparently so.”

I had a good laugh, and thought it was the most ridiculous thing I’d heard in years. “When I was in school, the last thing I wanted was someone to look at my face. Now kids with acne want you to look at their faces. That’s just silly.”

That evening we were getting ready for bed, and The Wife came into the room after washing her face and asked ever so sweetly, “What do you think?”

There, on her cheek, was a deep blue star. With out hesitation I replied, “I love your sticker.”

And that, Dear Reader, is how we’ve stayed married for so long. This July will be our 27^th wedding anniversary. I hope The Wife gets me a box of assorted face stickers. Now I can finally be one of the cool kids in kindergarten.