I’m a Computer Expert

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Just one click of a computer mouse broke my computer. Two weeks and $600 later, it has been fixed. Why did it cost so much and take so long? Just keep reading, Dear Reader, as you follow my journey in getting my broken computer repaired. Feel free to take notes along the way. After all, I am a self-taught computer expert.

Yes, it’s true. Around our house I’m known as a computer expert – just ask me. If something bad has happened to a computer, then I know exactly the correct steps to get it up and running again. Now, before everyone reading this column e-mails me wanting free tech support, perhaps you should first take a look at the steps I undertake to fix computers.

Step one: When the computer doesn’t work correctly, simply turn it off, wait ten minutes, and then turn it back on. Why ten minutes, you may ask? That answer is almost as easy as this first fix. Ten minutes is enough time to enjoy a snack and beverage as a celebration of how smart you are fixing the computer. It also leaves just enough time to order that special something online with all the money you just saved… of course you’ll have to use your phone to order and not the computer.

Step two: When step one fails, go directly to step two: unplugging the computer from the wall then waiting ten minutes. The reasoning behind waiting ten minutes? Ten is an easy number to remember – besides you just did it in step one.

Step three: If step one and two haven’t worked then you have a serious problem, one that requires you to search out an expert in computer repair to fix. Luckily for you there is one right on the other side of this computer screen: little old me.

If your computer still doesn’t work, push the control/alt/delete keys all at the same time. Unlike in step one and two, there isn’t really a reason to wait ten minutes; the results will be instant.

After step one, two, and three have failed you then you must package up the computer in the original box. And like me, I’m sure you have kept it for just such a situation. Then call the 1-800 number to the nearest giant computer store with the blue roof and make a tech appointment. The reason I arrived at this step is just one click away.

Since the day they were born, I’ve taking pictures and videos of our Little One and Sweet Caroline. Eleven years and over 82,000 pictures and videos later, I felt it was time to make a backup onto my computer. After connecting my phone to the computer, it gave me three options. I clicked the wrong one. Instead of backing up just the irreplaceable photos, I chose to back up the entire phone. My thinking was logical. What could possibly go wrong choosing to back up the entire phone?

Answer: a lot.

It seems computers don’t have an unlimited amount of memory, and by choosing to back up the entire phone, my computer memory met its max. Instantly, warning messages appeared on the screen announcing that the maximum amount of memory has been used, that I should add memory, and that it was unable to open the application. Programs that had been working fine completely stopped. Even the e-mail app opened for a moment and then shut down. Even my passwords no longer worked. I couldn’t even access my computer!

With my entire written life and over 82,000 irreplaceable pictures on the line, I swallowed my pride, took a step back, and did what had to be done. My one click had left me with no other option: a visit to the geeky folks at the giant computer store with the blue roof.

They kept the computer for a week, removed the entire phone backup which freed up gigabytes of memory, made copies of the 82,000 pictures and videos plus twenty-five years of weekly stories, and placed them all on two external hard drives. The irreplaceable had been replaced! And when I asked the tech person how he fixed my computer, the answer brought this story full circle.

“To fix everything, all I had to do was this one click.”