Answers to your questions about life, religion and the Bible
Disciplining children … corporal punishment?
Dear Father Paul: Adrian Peterson, of the Minnesota Vikings, is one of my favorite NFL players. Recently he has been crucified in the press and suspended from the Vikings for spanking his eight year-old son with a switch. I got lots of spankings when I was a boy from a dad who loved me enough to care about my behavior and I turned out just fine. I am now a respected professional in the medical profession and I spank my own kids when they need it. Doesn’t it say somewhere in the Bible, “Spare the rod and spoil the child?” — No Name.
Dear No Name: I got spankings too. And I turned out okay, no lifelong emotional or psychological problems as the liberal child psychologists would have us believe are the result of corporal punishment.
The Bible verse you quote is from Proverbs 13:24. Written by King Solomon, believed by many to be the wisest man who ever lived, the verse actually says, (New International Version) “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.”
Solomon also says in Proverbs 22:15 (New International Version) “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.”
In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul says in Romans 5:12 (Paraphrasing) that all men and women are born sinful … that our natural self is rebellious and unrighteous … that there is no natural inborn goodness in us as humans. This is why every one of us, from time to time, needs discipline. Can you imagine living in a world in which there were no laws or punishment and men and women just did anything they wanted without fear of discipline and (yes, even) punishment? Neither can I.
It must be understood, however, (in spite of the Bible passages above) that, if the purpose of discipline and punishment is the amendment of behavior, and it absolutely and always should be, then there are also lots and lots of other very effective ways for us to discipline and change the behavior of our children besides only and always the use of corporal punishment.
My dad, who was himself spanked as a child, discovered this truth early on as a parent. He discovered. by the time I was about nine or ten, that spanking Paul was starting to have a diminishing effect. A wise man, Dad knew me much better than I realized. He knew that the thing I loved the most was being out doors playing cowboys and Indians and “war” with my friends, riding my bike, shooting my BB gun and hunting crawdads in the nearby creek.
So, instead of spankings, Paul started getting “grounded” in his room … no friends allowed. Back then, in the 1950s, kids didn’t have TVs, laptops and iPhones in their rooms and I can remember being bored out of my mind. It soon got to the point that all he or Mom had to do was simply “threaten to ground me” and a huge transformation in my behavior and attitude occurred.
Later, when I was a teenager, all Dad had to do to get an instant positive response from me was to take the keys to the family car out of his pocket and jangle them gently in front of my face. I knew instantly that my weekend date was in serious jeopardy if I didn’t shape up. And I did.
The point is this. Spanking is okay, and it is indeed scriptural, but there are lots of other means of disciplining our children that can be just as good, and sometimes even better.
Whatever discipline we use, we must be sure that our discipline is measured, fair and consistent, and most of all, that the discipline is not so harsh that it fosters a root of bitterness and even rebellion in the hearts of our children. The Apostle Paul warns us about this danger in Colossians 3:21 when he says (New International Version), “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”
Hebrews 12:5-11 perhaps says it best. (Paraphrasing )We should discipline our children as God disciplines his own children (that’s us) in a way that proves his love for us and proves that we are, indeed, his precious children.
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[Father Paul Massey is pastor emeritus of Church of the Holy Cross Charismatic Episcopal Church in Fayetteville, Ga. Please visit our web-site at www.holycrosschurch.wordpress.com for more information, service times, directions and pod casts of Sunday messages.]
