There’s an old saying, “A place for everything and everything in its place.” Unfortunately for yours truly, The Wife and I, we have a much different idea of where that place should be.
In every relationship there’s one who picks up things around the house, and one who doesn’t. Guess which one I am.
In my defense, I do have a place for everything. It’s just not the same place The Wife wants it to be.
I’ll set out the evidence and let you, the reader, decide who is right. And no, I won’t be upset if you choose The Wife’s point of view over mine. You would be wrong, of course, but I won’t be upset.
Doc says in order to be healthy you should drink 64 ounces of water a day. Simple enough task you would think. That’s just four large glasses of water. All you need is a large glass, lots of water and you’re good.
Instead of using a new glass each time, I use the same one all day. Unfortunately, I don’t always remember where I set it down, so I get a new one.
For some reason, The Wife has gotten tired of picking up empty glasses left all over the house. Now, as soon as I leave a room, my glass is retrieved and put in the dishwasher, making it even more difficult for me to find.
Me, I’m just trying to follow Doc’s orders.
The Wife, she’s just trying to keep a clean house. You decide who’s right. (Remember, it’s my column.)
Next: misplaced car keys. If added up, the time I’ve spent looking for lost keys could easily be measured in years. I always toss my keys on the kitchen counter.
If lost, they can usually be found in my pocket, the dirty clothes, or refrigerator.
Okay, stop laughing — only done that five times so far.
If not in those places, then the search begins in earnest.
The one place I never look for lost keys is where The Wife puts them when she finds them on the counter, in my pockets, or refrigerator.
She actually hangs them up on the key holder, making it almost impossible for me to find.
I know, it’s hard to believe. Just last week I actually had to call her and ask if she’d seen my keys.
They were really lost. That’s when she told me they were hanging up where they belonged.
Lastly: shoes can actually put themselves away.
Years of fighting fires and rescuing folks wearing heavy steel-toe boots have wrought havoc on this retired firefighter’s feet.
Now, when home, I kick shoes off as quickly as possible in order to rub my sore toes. Kinda hard to do that with shoes on.
The next day, I search all over the house before finding them in the one place I would never kick them off and leave them — the bottom of my closet.
That’s where The Wife has placed them so she wouldn’t trip over them.
I know these traits would be hard for most to live with, but what am I supposed to do? The Wife, I love her.
And, for some unexplained reason, she loves me.
[Rick Ryckeley, who lives in Senoia, served as a firefighter for more than two decades and has been a weekly columnist since 2001. His email is firstname.lastname@example.org. His books are available at www.RickRyckeley.com.]