Ask Margar-etiquette about Unsupervised Children at a Wedding

Dear Margar-etiquette,

I recently attended a wedding where one of the guests brought his 4-year-old son. The child was adorable but completely unsupervised, running around the reception and getting far too close to a decorative well and a waterfall water feature. A few of us found ourselves stepping in to keep him safe while his father enjoyed the party. It left many of us uncomfortable and unsure of what to do. In a situation like that, where does the responsibility lie?

Unwilling Babysitter

Dear Unwilling Babysitter,

That’s quite a tricky situation—one that brings out both our protective instincts and our discomfort. You were kind to keep an eye on the child, but the truth is, that responsibility should never fall on fellow guests. When adults attend events with children, they remain accountable for their child’s behavior and safety at all times, no matter how festive the occasion.

Weddings are joyful but busy, and they’re rarely designed with young children in mind. Decorative wells, ponds, and water features may look lovely in photos, but they’re real safety concerns for little ones. A parent who chooses to bring a young child should plan accordingly: bringing quiet entertainment, setting expectations before the event, and staying attentive throughout the evening.

For other guests, it’s perfectly polite—and wise—to step in briefly if a child is in immediate danger (“Sweetheart, let’s step away from the water!”). But once the situation is safe, the next step is to discreetly locate the parent or a close friend of that family and calmly hand responsibility back where it belongs.

If this happens again, a host or venue coordinator can also be brought in. They’re often better positioned to address guest behavior privately and tactfully.

Etiquette, after all, isn’t about ignoring what’s happening—it’s about helping when needed and then restoring balance with grace. You acted kindly, but the true duty of care rests with the parent, not the polite bystander.

Warmly,

Margar-etiquette