Sticky Choices

Life is full of choices – some good, some not so good, and some flat out unadvisable. This story is about the former, a choice made by Yours Truly last Friday just after midnight and one The Wife said quite possibly saved our marriage. But let us first rewind this story to the beginning: a beginning that starts with fifteen “Littles” in my kindergarten classroom.

At your house, there may be one or more little ones keeping you busy, and at the end of the day you’re exhausted, and rightly so. I have fifteen. I’m a kindergarten paraprofessional. As wonderful as they are, I’m beyond tired as I wave them goodbye in the afternoon. Such was my state last Friday after work as I drove toward the middle school to pick up our two granddaughters, Little One and Sweet Caroline. But it wasn’t the end of my day. Nope, the second half of my day was just getting started.

From the middle school we rushed home, fixed and ate dinner, changed quickly into soccer clothes, then loaded back into the car for the hour-long trip to practice. After waiting two hours in a modern torture device masquerading as a soccer chair, practice was finally over. I then drove another hour to drop them off at their mom’s house before finally arriving back home. 

Walking through our door at well past 9:00 pm, I kicked off shoes and headed straight to my recliner, knowing nothing – nothing – on earth could get me out of it.

Boy, was I wrong.

The Wife looked over and said, “Wow, that was a long day.” Her refreshing smile drifted across the room as she tilted her head ever so slightly then added, “I have something that will make you feel better. Look.”

What happened next instantly lifted the exhaustion from my weary body, replacing it with childlike joy, a joy that made me forget all about my long day. The Wife was pointing at the glass portion at the top of our front door. “Look, your friends have come to say goodnight.”

There, stuck to the outside of our front door, were two sticky frogs. Each about the size of a half dollar, the porch light illuminated the undersides of their bodies with an eerie green glow. Shielded by the overhanging roof, the frogs had a perfect place out of the elements to enjoy a nightly dinner buffet of bugs. I walked over to say hello, but they jumped off the door and into the night – where, I do not know. Still, I do love sticky frogs and to sight not one but two changed my mood from glum to happy.

A short-lived happy mood. 

We stayed up a little while longer as I drank two glasses of water trying to rehydrate from the soccer fields, then we went to bed. Just past midnight, I got up to answer the call of nature and walked towards our bathroom. Our solar system night light projected the planets in a soft blue and green glow on the far wall making the navigation of the hallway and bathroom possible without turning on any additional lights. Once in the bathroom, I turned to walk through the open door to my ultimate destination but then paused. 

Looking down at my feet, there was a large dark spot on the floor right inches from my right big toe. Now even I would’ve remembered to clean up a water spill that large, and I never leave a sock on the floor. So, what could it be? Still half asleep, I didn’t want to risk falling over while bending down to investigate further, so I did the safe thing. I nudged the dark spot with my big toe.

Dear Reader, a word of warning!

If, for some reason, you too find yourself venturing to the bathroom shortly after midnight and you too see a large black spot on the floor, don’t do what I did, or you’ll end up doing what I did next. Whatever was on the floor was there no more. After making a strange noise, the black spot disappeared out of range of our planetary night light. Where did it go? I really don’t know. Leaping away, I just hoped whatever it was would not bite or sting me. 

Hello, my little friend.

No longer in front of the nightlight, I saw where the black spot ended up. Now wide awake, I bent down and said to the black thing currently residing a foot up on the door, “Well, hello, Mr. Sticky Frog.” At this point I had a decision to make. I could use another bathroom, leaving my newly found green friend for The Wife to find or rescue the little guy and set him free outside to join his bug-eating buddy. One choice would certainly lead to a quick divorce – the other to endless praise from The Wife in the morning. Considering I’m still happily married; I wisely chose the latter.

Midnight exercise.

Picture if you will the hilarity of a 67-year-old man, as quietly as he can, jumping around a dimly lit bathroom after a very jumpy green sticky frog who doesn’t want to get caught – all in an effort to save his marriage. Finally, after ten minutes of strenuous jumping and bumping into things, I was able to corner and grab my little green friend as he stuck to the shower wall. Like the knights of old, I carried my captive with pride for I had defended my lady as she lay sleeping. After giving him a scolding about needing to stay outside, I released my captive to hop off and join his brothers. Satisfied, I closed the front door and returned to bed.

As we made the bed the next morning, I recounted the midnight adventure. After The Wife was finished laughing, she walked over and gave me a kiss. “Thanks for making the right choice. But you do know, either way, you would’ve been catching that frog.” It took a second, then I understood what she had said. We had another good laugh and started getting ready to go to work.

Some readers will think this the end of the frog story…so did I. That is until I switched on the morning news and heard the day’s weather forecast. “Currently hot with hotter than normal temperatures expected this afternoon.” With this news, I decided to fill the bird bath, water the ten potted plants that line our front walk, and water the hanging baskets on the front porch. But I had to hurry; I didn’t want to be late for work.

Round two.

It was still dark outside when I came to the last hanging basket and started watering. Suddenly, I felt a pressure in my left eye and couldn’t open it and sweat started running down my face. Dropping the watering can, I lost my balance, stumbled back against the wall thinking I was having a stroke! And that’s when I heard a familiar noise – the same noise I heard in the bathroom a little after midnight.

I see the light.

My friend, the now very wet green sticky frog, belched another “Ribbit” before jumping off my face and back into the hanging basket. After telling The Wife, we had another good laugh, then she said, “He was probably thanking you for the early morning shower.”

When I left our driveway that morning, the temperature was getting uncomfortable, so I decided to roll up the windows all the way. I’d left them cracked a couple of inches the night before so the car would air out from the two-hour soccer practice and all that sweaty gear. Once at the school, I backed into my normal parking space, ate my biscuit, and started to enjoy five minutes of silence getting my thoughts in order before the start of my busy day in kindergarten.

And that’s when I heard it. 

The sound came from the backseat. (At least that’s where I think it came from.)

“Ribitttt.”