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Dear Mark,
Hi, I’m writing in because I’m just so confused about this whole college thing and I don’t know where else to turn. My daughter is a rising senior and everywhere I look there’s different advice about what she should be doing and I feel like I’m failing her as a mom because I don’t understand any of it.
So here’s my situation. She has like a 3.7 GPA which I thought was pretty good? She’s been in drama club since freshman year and volunteers at the food bank on weekends. She’s not like student body president or anything but she’s a good kid and works hard. But then I go to these parent coffee things and everyone’s talking about their kids starting nonprofits and doing research with professors and I’m like, what?? Are we supposed to be doing that too?
The essay part is what’s really stressing me out. I keep reading online that she needs to write about some life-changing experience or hardship, but honestly she’s had a pretty normal suburban childhood. I feel like everyone else has some secret handbook that I didn’t get. Like, what do these admissions people actually want? Are they looking for perfect grades or interesting personalities or what?
And don’t even get me started on recommendation letters. Do we ask her AP History teacher who gave her an A- but barely knows her name? Or her drama teacher who she’s really close with but drama isn’t considered as “serious” as other subjects?
I went to college but that was like 20 years ago and it wasn’t this complicated. I honestly don’t know what any of it means.
Can you help me figure out what we should actually be focusing on? I don’t want to mess this up for her.
Sincerely,
Stressed in Suburbia
Dear Stressed in Suburbia,
Take a deep breath! Your anxiety is completely normal, and the good news is that you’re asking the right questions. As someone who has worked with admissions committees and guided hundreds of families through this process, let me offer you the insider perspective you’re looking for.
What admissions officers really want is simple: authentic students who will contribute meaningfully to their campus community. They’re not looking for perfect robots or manufactured personalities. They want to understand who your daughter actually is and what she’ll bring to their school.
On Essays
Forget the “trauma olympics” mentality. An essay about perfecting pancakes can be more compelling than a tragedy essay if it’s genuine and reveals character. Admissions officers read thousands of essays about overcoming hardship, many of which feel forced or inauthentic. What they remember are the essays that show genuine self-reflection, growth, and personality. If your daughter learned something meaningful about patience, creativity, or family connection through perfecting pancakes, that’s gold. The topic matters far less than the insight and voice she brings to it.
On Recommendation Letters
Go with teachers who know her well, period. A teacher who gave her a B+ but can speak specifically about her curiosity, work ethic, or how she contributed to class discussions is infinitely more valuable than a teacher who gave her an A but barely knows her name. Admissions officers can spot generic “good student” recommendations from a mile away. They want to hear about the time she asked thoughtful follow-up questions, helped a struggling classmate, or showed intellectual courage.
On Extracurriculars
Quality beats quantity every single time. Your daughter’s sustained involvement in theater and the food bank is actually perfect; it shows commitment and genuine interest. The student who has been passionate about theater for three years and can speak eloquently about what it has taught her about collaboration and creativity is far more appealing than the student who is president of five clubs but cannot explain why any of them matter to her.
What You Should Focus On
Help your daughter articulate her “why” for everything she’s involved in. What has she learned about the food bank when she talks about it? How has it changed her perspective? What specific moments stand out? These stories become the foundation for compelling essays and interviews.
Your Role as a Parent
Be a sounding board, not a manager. Help her brainstorm by asking good questions, but let her voice come through in her applications. The students who get into great schools are the ones who sound like authentic teenagers, not like they’ve been coached to death.
Remember, hundreds of excellent colleges would be thrilled to have a thoughtful, engaged student like your daughter. The goal isn’t to manufacture the “perfect” application; it’s to help her present her genuine self clearly and compellingly.
Warmly,
Mark
Mark Cruver is the Founder of Capstone Educational Consultants in Peachtree City, GA. With over 20 years of combined experience in higher education admissions and independent practice, providing individualized college, career, and essay advising, Mark has assisted hundreds of students and families with their college admissions decisions as one of only six Certified Educational Planners in Georgia. For more information, email Mark at [email protected]—he will be happy to help!
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