In re. the Animal Kingdom

We in the South love our animals.  Many of us come from agricultural backgrounds , where animals were raised for provision and care of them was essential.  Many of us have house pets – dogs and cats, most often, although your compiler’s personal tastes tend far more toward the former than the latter.

We either like to watch birds or hunt them or perhaps both.   Deer can be a joy to see in the woods, but not chomping down on landscaping plants in one’s yard, or jumping out in front of one’s car along the roadway.  Seeing a buck through the sights of a rifle really rushes the adrenaline of the hunters among us. 

Our language, as a consequence, is studded with animal references, as the last two Talking Southern Columns – Go Dawg, Go! – Parts I and II) began exploring. Today we shall mention a few more common animal metaphors and similes. 

“He doesn’t know me from Adam’s off-ox,” your compiler might say of a person who has no reason ever to have heard of him.  (“Adam’s housecat” is heard right often, as well, but your compiler thinks “off-ox” —  the one paired with the nigh ox in a team – don’t ask your compiler which is which – makes for far more picturesque speech.   Adam, of course, is the Biblical father of mankind, and if one thinks about it, the only man in history without a navel.)

Continuing with oxen (and with animal sayings having Biblical roots), your compiler finds from time to time that his ox is in the ditch, meaning that he is in a rather tight spot at the moment.  Or he might respond to someone who asks how things have been going, “ Pretty well, thank you.  At least I’m managing to keep the ox between the ditches.”  This versatile, highly-illustrative figure of speech comes to us from Jesus’ teachings in the Gospels – specifically, Luke 14:5 and Matthew 12:11, although somewhere along the way “ditch” overtook the original “pit” in popular usage.

“Slower than an oxcart” is something one hears occasionally, as well as “dumb as an ox.”   Both seem to your compiler to be crystal clear and require no further elucidation.

Switching species, one might speak of something being “strong as goat’s breath” if it is particularly good.  Your compiler has heard positive financial results spoken of in this way, and has used it similarly on occasion, himself.   Temperature wise, something positively torrid might be said to be  “hotter than a goat’s tongue in a pepper patch.”  (The opposite end of the digestive tract is often substituted for “tongue” if no ladies are present.)

An action that is unbelievably rude, arrogant, disrespectful, or just plain sorry might be “lower than a snake’s belly in a wagon rut.”  The person carrying out that action might be “sorry as gulley dirt,” which has nothing to do with animals, but which rather seems to fit here from a continuity standpoint.  

Finally (although your compiler is sure there are dozens if not hundreds of others we have not considered), somebody might be “grinning like a jackass eating briers.”  (One can use “mule” instead of “jackass” if one insists.)  And your compiler’s hope is that remembering some of these phrases might leave the reader grinning in the same way.