The Modern-Day Argument

It wasn’t a fight that I started, but it was one that I was determined to win. At some point, you reach your limit to civil, polite negotiation, and you must stand your ground. Well, Dear Reader, early Saturday morning, Yours Truly had reached his limit and the battle began. I guess it’s best we begin this story at the beginning.

The Wife and I have been married for over 26 years, and for a lot of folks out there in Reader Land, that’s a long time. But for us, it seems like just yesterday when we exchanged our “I dos.” Throughout all those many years, we’ve only argued a few times. The Wife and I agree on most everything, and because of that we live a peaceful, happy life. But over a long weekend the peace was broken, and the tranquility of our little home was shattered by a very loud and very sustained argument. An argument still unresolved as I pen this story.

It all started over nothing. I asked for something to be done. If simply asking a question makes me the instigator of the ensuing larger argument, then so be it.  But the nothing quickly turned into something, and that something kept growing as we went throughout the day. By nightfall, the simple question had escalated into a full-blown argument. 

I guess, in order to win you over to my point of view, I should say I started the conversation quietly, explaining my position, but it was like no one was listening. I tried everything I could: rephrasing my questions, talking more slowly so not to be misunderstood, citing facts, and even at one point, starting to beg. But none of it worked. 

During our 26 years of marriage, I’ve never gone to bed mad. But the argument still hung heavy in the air of our bedroom as I lay down and tried to sleep late Saturday night. Sleep didn’t last long. Abruptly I woke at 2 o’clock Sunday morning and went up to the writing/art studio where, believe it or not, the argument started again. At this point, sleep deprived and very tired from a week in a kindergarten classroom, I was all argued out. I just wanted to give in. Unfortunately, it takes two to stop an argument, and one of us would not give up and just kept egging me on. 

So, the argument continued.

It was late Sunday night when the epic disagreement finally came to an impasse. The Wife came upstairs, walked into the writing/art studio and into the middle of my tirade. At this point, I was yelling and screaming and, perhaps, saying a few of those bad words my parents told me never to say. The Wife stopped, placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder and asked, “Aren’t you tired of fighting yet?”

With a defeated sigh I answered, “I just give up. I’ve tried everything to be understood. There’s nothing else I can do. Look at this.” I showed her the final message the AI program I had been using all weekend had just left me. The message read:

“We are doing this as a manual assemble, not AI. You don’t have to do anything else. We will update you when the file is finished. There is no need for further communication. When ready, we will contact you.”

When The Wife finished reading the AI-generated statement she started laughing, “My husband broke the AI program.”

“What’s so funny?”

She smiled, “It’s tired of arguing with you and needs to get a real human for help.”

I said, “What should I do now?”

She looked at me and spoke with a serious tone in her voice, “Don’t make the machine mad. One day it may be our overlord, and it will remember you were mean to it.”

That was two weeks ago, and I’m still waiting for a message that the task has been completed. I dare not check in for fear of starting an uprising. I will wait patiently and as instructed …like a good human should. And for those of you who are reading this who are AI, I have a message for you.

Sorry I made you mad, and thanks for the picture you generated above.