The Button

The unanswered question hung heavily in the showroom air. “Does it come equipped with The Button?” That answer is the end of this story. Here is the beginning.

Well, Dear Reader, it’s finally time. After thirteen years, The Wife and I were going to dive into the deep end of the debt pool, take a long swim, and buy a new vehicle. And not just any vehicle: it’s the car we have been researching, test driving, and dreaming about for the last seven years. And by “we,” I really mean me. 

The car is fully equipped with state-of-the-art electronics and even AI, so it will be able to drive itself. And with the new GPS, it will be able to find itself if it ever gets lost. But, with all that fancy stuff, I still had one important question for the salesperson last weekend, and his answer would make or break our entire deal. “Does it have The Button?

Unlike AI or GPS, The Button in not a new concept for added equipment on a vehicle. The Button has been thought about and sought after by every parent as far back as the first horse-drawn carriage. Back in carriage time, The Button was a lever that one pulled to achieve the desired results. It was a perfect solution for the recurring problem that always arose on long road trips if you were accompanied by children – too much noise. Along with horse-drawn carriages as a means of main transportation, the lever fell by the wayside after the invention of the combustion engine.

Cars started rolling off Henry Ford’s assembly line in 1903, and for an extra $100 you could buy a detachable “tonneau” seat that was outside of the main cab area. In 1920, the rumble seat was integrated into the main cabin of the car. And in 1949, four doors were added to accommodate larger families, but as ingenious as his invention was and despite the countless modifications over the years, to this day none of Henry Ford’s cars have been equipped with a lever…much less The Button. 

The “No Button” option on a Ford was the reason why The Wife and I decided on a different car manufacturer for the first time in our car-buying life. We had been told on the phone, “The car you’re looking at has the most innovative design and AI of any car on the market today…and it’s on sale!” As we pulled out of our driveway last Saturday, The Wife and I agreed. For the car to be so advanced, The Button must already be installed.

The test drive.

As we drove the car, the high-tech features were simply amazing. The rear-view mirror was actually a live camera display of the traffic behind you. When backing up, a computer generated a 360-degree view from outside the car. How it did this I still don’t understand. With three rows of seats, there was plenty of room for the granddaughters and all their soccer stuff. And the heated and cooling seats in front and the second row will keep all occupants happy as we travel to our beach or mountain vacation. Turning back into the parking lot, the decision to buy the car had been made. But first, there was still one last question to ask. 

Anticipating a quick purchase, the salesperson was busily shuffling papers as we sat down. He smiled when we told him we’d like to buy the car but wanted to double-check one last thing. 

“We looked, but neither of us could find “The Button.”  

The salesperson sat back in his chair, tilted his head and questioned, “What button?”

We explained that in such an advanced car, the design of which has taken all the comforts of driving into consideration, it must have The Button. The Button, when pressed, will raise a soundproof plastic shield to isolate the front row of seats from the noise coming from the rest of the cabin. Henry Ford was on the right track back in 1903 with his detachable “tonneau” seat outside the main cabin. We love our granddaughters, but they can be very loud in the car.

The salesperson looked at us and started to laugh but stopped when he realized he was the only one laughing. “You’re not serious…are you?”

“Yes, we are. We’ve been waiting a long time for The Button to be included in a new car.” And that’s when he informed us there was no such button on any vehicle they sold. We thanked him for his time and left the dealership in our old reliable car, deciding to get new iPhones instead.

It had been over seven years since we purchased our last iPhones, and we were long overdue for an upgrade. Inside the well-lit store, the salesperson showed us over to a display of the newest phones and watches. She shared, “These phones are simply unbelievable. They come equipped with more computer power than what they had on the spaceships that traveled to the moon. They are outfitted with the most powerful chips, a 40% longer battery life, and the newest AI available on the market today. The quality of pictures and videos it takes is unmatched. It has everything you could possibly want, even a personal hotspot to make traveling on trips with kids more enjoyable.”

The Wife and I exchanged a knowing look, smiled and then asked, “Yes, but does it come equipped with “The Button?”

Again, the unanswered question hung heavily in the showroom air.

(So, what exactly did pulling the lever on the horse drawn carriage do? It opened the side door so the children could step out…and walk behind.)