Ask Margar-etiquette about Messaging Our Kids

From Eye Rolls to ‘Got It’: The Etiquette of Messaging Kids

Dear Margar-etiquette,

Kids these days! I can’t get my teenager or my young adult child to read a long text message, and emails seem to go straight into a black hole. How are we supposed to get information to them if they won’t read what we send?

Frustrated Messenger

Dear Frustrated,

You’re not alone! This is one of the most common complaints I hear from parents, teachers, and even employers. Young people today are not anti-communication; they just consume it differently than older generations. Think of it less as defiance and more as culture.

Here are some etiquette-friendly ways to meet them where they are—without giving up on teaching them responsibility:

• Keep it short. If a text runs more than a few lines, many kids won’t read past the first sentence. They’re used to quick bursts of information. Put the key detail up front—“Game starts at 5. Be ready at 4:30.”—and leave the backstory for later if they ask. The less they have to scroll, the more likely they’ll see it.
  
• Use bullet points or spacing. Just like adults skim emails at work, kids skim texts. A solid block of words looks like homework. Break things into short lines or numbered steps: “1) Bring your uniform. 2) Water bottle. 3) Snack for after.” When it’s easy to glance at, it’s harder to ignore.
  
• Subject lines = lifelines. When you must use email (for forms, travel info, or anything too long for text), make the subject line crystal clear. “Permission Form Due Friday” or “Meet at 7:30—Front Entrance” gets far more attention than “Please Read.” The subject line should carry the weight of the message in case that’s all they notice.
  
• Consider the medium. Some kids respond best to text, some to group chats, some even to a social app. If you know they check one place consistently, start there. You don’t need to adopt every new platform they use, but a little flexibility can help your message actually land. Etiquette is about choosing what works, not insisting on one “proper” method.
  
• Teach, don’t surrender. While it helps to adapt, don’t let them completely off the hook. Part of growing up is learning that not all communication comes in bite-sized form. It’s fair to say, “I need you to read this all the way through—it matters.” Consider it training for adulthood, when ignoring a message can have real consequences.
  

At the heart of this, communication etiquette is about connection and respect. You want them to read what you send, and they want you to get to the point. Meet in the middle, and you’ll both feel heard.

And for the young people:

With civility and clarity,

Margar-etiquette