Ask Margar-etiquette about RBF

Dear Margar-etiquette,

I have been told that I have RBF. What can I do to fix that and present a more pleasant face?

Not Mad!

Dear Not Mad,

RBF is a real thing. For those unfamiliar, RBF stands for Resting Bothered (or, let’s be honest, a stronger “B”) Face. It’s used to describe when someone’s neutral expression looks annoyed, angry, or generally unpleasant—even if they’re perfectly content.

How do you know if you have it? If you’ve ever been asked, “Are you okay?” or told, “You should smile more,” while you were just standing there, minding your business, then yes—you might have RBF.

Now, if you’re fine with that and prefer to be left alone, there’s no etiquette rule that says you have to change. But since you’re writing in, it sounds like you want to come across as more approachable. And that’s where we can make a few small tweaks:

• Start by noticing. Check in with your expression throughout the day. A quick glance in a mirror or your phone camera can help you get a sense of your default look.
• Lift your eyebrows. A slight eyebrow raise can make your face appear more open and alert. It’s a small gesture that softens your resting expression without making you feel like you’re performing.
• Relax your jaw. Tension can add to the intensity of your face—especially around the mouth and brow. A relaxed jaw helps everything else follow.
• Think “friendly neutral.” You don’t have to smile all the time, but gently turning up the corners of your mouth (even slightly) can signal that you’re approachable.
• Practice in low-stakes situations. Try your “friendly face” while walking past neighbors, ordering coffee, or chatting with a coworker. With repetition, it’ll start to feel more natural.
• Let your face match your intention. If you’re listening, show interest. If you’re greeting someone, offer a small smile or nod. These social cues go a long way.

You don’t need to overhaul your whole look—just adjust the signal you’re sending out. Etiquette is really about how we make others feel, and a few small shifts in expression can help you come across as more open, while still being completely yourself.

Ultimately, the goal isn’t to perform for others—it’s to communicate more clearly and kindly, even when we’re saying nothing at all. And that starts with the face we carry into the world.

Wishing you ease, confidence, and a face that feels like you,

Margar-etiquette

#LITA (Love Is The Answer)