No More Bags?

‘Tis time once again to venture down to the dark, `basement, fight off the ever-growing horde of spider crickets, retrieve the soapbox, and stand upon it pontificating. And what’s got my shorts in a bunch this time, you may ask? Buckle-up, Dear Reader. This is gonna be one wild ride. 

“To bag or not to bag?” That used to be the question, but not anymore. 

Growing up on that old familiar street not so far away called Flamingo, we five kids joined Mom grocery shopping every Saturday morning. We’d get two carts (three on holidays) then argue about who was going to push them around the store while the other kids “helped” Mom toss in the food items. This usually went on for over an hour, with Mom saying about halfway through, “This would go faster if I didn’t have to keep putting back what you kids are throwing in the cart.” 

We may have slowed Mom down from picking out the groceries, but we made up time when it came to bagging. Once the nice register lady rang up the items, not one but two bag boys carefully placed them in paper bags with five bags to each cart. If there were extra items that didn’t fit, we boys and The Sister got to carry them back to the car. We considered this a big responsibility because groceries were expensive, so we didn’t want to drop anything and waste money. At least that’s what Mom said. 

We did drop a few things.

Not that I’m finally admitting to “accidently” dropping a few eggs while walking back to our car. The story “Will an egg cook on hot pavement?” is one for another time. (Spoiler alert: a hot street will cook an egg, but the asphalt will turn it green, and anyone who eats it will turn green too. Just ask Bubba Hanks.) Besides, this story is about bags…or a lack thereof. 

As kids, we always enjoyed the game of seeing how many items we could carry back to the car – as an adult and a granddad, not so much. At the checkout, when asked if I’d like plastic or paper bags, my answer is always the same. “I’ve spent too much time picking up items off the parking lot after those thin bags break, so I never choose plastic anymore.” I’ve noticed that lately paper bags are much thinner and also can break. Now when asked about paper or plastic, I reply, “Double bag everything in paper please.” 

It was during our trip last weekend to Washington, D.C., that I learned the choice between paper or plastic has now been taken away – at least where we were. And no, I didn’t have anything to do with it. 

While in Washington, The Wife and I made a quick stop at a local drug store for a few things before driving the last two blocks to visit with her parents. She jumped out quickly saying she’d be right back. Imagine my surprise, when five minutes later I saw her walking out of the store with an arm load of items she had just bought. I helped her back into the car and joked, “What, they run out of bags?” Her answer I still can’t believe.

“No. They said a new law was passed. You now must bring your own bags or be charged twenty-five cents per bag.” 

This news almost had me driving off the road straight into a ditch. “Why?” I asked.

“Plastic bags are bad for the environment.”

“Ok. What about paper?”

“They said paper comes from trees. Cutting down trees is bad.”

“Ok. What about cloth bags then?”

“Cloth bags are ok. You can buy those in the store or bring in your own.”

Not to let such a thing ruin our trip, we continued to her parents’ house. For the next three days we had a delightful visit, took lots of pictures, and celebrated my birthday. At the airport while waiting for our flight, The Wife was able to upgrade us to exit row seating…at no extra charge! The extra leg room and a funny movie enabled me to totally forget about the upcharge for bags law. Besides, that was back in Washington D.C. Certainly, it would take years before such a thing makes it all the way down here in the deep south…if ever. 

Boy, was I wrong.

Almost home we had to make a quick stop at, you guessed it, the drug store. As The Wife got out, I said laughing, “If they charge you twenty-five cents for a bag, give me a text and I’ll help you carry things to the car.”

Funny, not funny.

I didn’t receive a text, but when she got back into the car The Wife said, “They have a new policy. They now charge ten cents for a plastic bag.”

“Unbelievable. Guess they must recoup their cost somehow. Next week, it’s gonna be really hot. Bet they’ll start charging us for the air-conditioning next.”

The Wife answered, “Don’t say that too loudly. If they hear you, they probably will. Guess we’ll just have to buy cloth bags next time we’re at the grocery store.”

“Nope. Got a better idea.” I replied. We got lots and lots of cloth…pillowcases. And when this news gets out, bet there’s gonna be a shortage of them out there – a hole in the supply chain.” I laughed, “Now that’s a great idea. Don’t dump those plastic bags into a landfill. Use them to plug that supply chain hole!”

As we turned into our driveway, The Wife let out a deep breath and just shook her head.