Dear Father Paul: My wife and I loaned our son and his wife $5,000 three years ago. They made several payments early on (about $2,200), but have made no payments in over two years. We are not well-to-do and the money came out of our small savings. When I mention this debt to them they blow me off with some lame excuse. What should I do? All four of us are Christians.- No Name, No City.

Dear No Name: Your son and his wife are certainly not ACTING�like Christians, are they? Nor are they "honoring" their parents, as the Bible says. Be that as it may, I have seen this situation too many times to count, and, I have come to believe that, except in very rare instances, people should NEVER loan money to relatives, even their children.

I urge that when faced with the, "Dad, can you loan us $5,000" question, parents either GIVE the kids the money as a free gift or gently refuse.

In your present situation, if you continue to push the issue with your son, you will�drive a�huge wedge between the two of you and seriously damage�(maybe for life)�your relationship. Yes, I know that this approach goes against the grain of a lot of folks who take the attitude that one should keep after the son until he pays up and that thus you will be teaching him to be more responsible. The truth is that, as a grown man, he is past teaching things like honesty and character from his father. He has to "come to his senses" on his own�as did the prodigal son in the story Jesus told in Luke 15.

Using�"the world's approach" might get you your money, but is $2,800 worth the cost?�Your son�knows that he owes you the money and it is probably bothering him a lot more than he shows!

Instead, follow the example of the father in the story in Luke. Write your son a brief note�and say something like, "Dear Son, based on the examples that Christ taught, your mom and I have decided to totally forgive your remaining debt to us. We love you, and we bless you. Dad."� You will note when you re-read the story that the father forgave the son BEFORE he asked for forgiveness! Wow! That's the kind of love God has for us. You and your wife must NEVER mention�this again to either your son or his wife.

Then, you and your wife should begin (or continue) to pray for and bless your son and his wife and treat them as if this situation never happened. I'd be willing to bet (if I weren't a preacher) that one day in the not too distant future, he'll walk up, hug you and hand you a check for $2,800! At that point, you'd do well to say, "Thanks son, but we forgave this and we meant it. You can either keep it or you can use it for the four of us to go to the beach (or the mountains) together."�I guarantee that he will tell this story to your grandchildren.

Father Paul Massey will answer your question. Write him at [email protected] or Box 510, Fayetteville, Georgia 30214.