All this, while my baby sister who is struggling with a chronic and debilitating problem is back at the Mayo Clinic once more in search of help and hope.

There you have it, sort of. So, what do I do about all this? Between prayers, I decorated. I decided I wanted my Christmas season on the home front to have a tailored "controlled" decorating theme this year. At least I thought I did.

Just when I really didn't think my heart could stand any more turmoil, I finished what decorating I had resolved to do in preparation for all the family events that somehow manage to unfold at my house (I would not have it any other way!), and suddenly I missed my mother.

Well, actually I didn't miss my mother, I missed my "mama." It's been eleven years ago since she died and I do so well all year, but not at Christmas.

And this year, I am especially not doing well without her. I dug out her orange cake recipe and checked to be sure I had all the ingredients. Then I sat down and cried. That was three days ago. Today I cried again for Barbara's and Jackie's and Bobby's and Sheila's pain.

Then I dried my tears, went upstairs and dug out a couple of packs of gold icicles (tinsel) which I almost never use because the elusive strands can be so messy, but I buy them occasionally because Mama always used them.

Well, I opened those two packets of gold tinsel that have been stashed away, unused for years, and hung half of them on my tree with it's far too tailored trailing ribbons and massive bow. Then I started to sprinkle the shiny gold strands all around my house. Live plants and artificial arrangements in every room now shimmer with a sprinkling of tinsel.

Tacky was a very understated description of my mom's holiday décor (all holidays!). But "tacky" has grown on me over time (especially over the past decade). You wouldn't believe how much comfort that gold tinsel is presently giving to me.

If you also are struggling with sadness this year, I invite you to write to me. It will do me good to know I am not the only sad person just now and it might do you good to pick up pen and paper; I highly recommend such therapy!

If you prefer snail mail, write to me in care of this newspaper, mark the envelope "personal" and the editors will forward it to me. Joy is multiplied when we share it, and thankfully, sadness is often diminished with expression. May God bless you and yours during this still very magical season that always somehow enhances both our joy and our sadness.