Children are in a bad sort of way. In my estimate, many of their living

conditions could qualify as abusive. Not talking about fathers and mothers

beating their children so as to produce welts. Not talking about nutritional

or educational deprivation. Not talking about emotional abuse or physical

threat.

Let me share a situation I consider child abuse. Ever seen a grocery

store scene where a kid is screaming, yelling, arms swinging, and all

the time crying his eyes and heart away? Many times we think to ourselves

that the kid needs a good whipping. Pity swells up in our heart for the

parent.

What really is happening is this: the kid has been led to believe that

he should get his way in every circumstance of life. He found out earlier

in his young life that if something didn't go his way, all he had

to do was put up a little fuss and his parents would capitulate. Now,

while he and Mom are grocery shopping together, he has run into resistance

in relation to something he wants - a situation which is totally

out of his real and learned world. For some reason, this time Mom does

not surrender but stands firm. The kid cries out in torment. He is being

abused according to his way of having learned life.

Who is the real abuser? Of course, the parents. They have allowed their

child to grow up in an unreal world in which he is king of kings. A world

in which his wish is their responsibility. A world which should cater

to his every whim. They have not taught or disciplined their child to

understand the concepts of limits, authority, and the very real notion

that he is not the center of the universe. So, when he cries out in utter

emotional pain, he represents abuse. Of course, the law has not caught

up with my definition of abuse and so parents are not going to jail for

misleading (or should we say lying to) their children.

If parents properly discipline their children, beginning early in life,

trips to the grocery store could be a pleasure rather than a stopover

in hell.

There's another abusive behavior directly and adversely affecting

our children. That's when the children live with a monster in the

home. What good parents would allow their precious children to stay for

one second in a house with a monster (whatever shape the monster took)?

And yet children face a monster every day of their existence: it's

called the two-headed monster. Both Mom and Dad are the heads of this

monster and the monster breeds confusion and turmoil.

Every family needs a head. One head. Every family needs to have one

final authority, someone to whom the whole family can turn for a definitive

decision. Increasingly, the monster fosters indecision. For those of

the Judeo-Christian faith, the Bible is extremely clear that the husband

is the head of the wife and the spiritual, physical, and emotional leader

of the family. However, the women's liberation movement has done

a number on our culture and particularly on us ministers. We of the cloth

have been intimidated so much by culture and its family-destroying message

that we have backed off from teaching, "Wives, submit to your husbands

in everything."

Those of you who regularly read me know full well that I am not a male

chauvinist. I also believe that husbands have significant responsibilities

to their wives including loving her as Christ loved the church and that's

with a sacrificial love.

But, I write now about the children. A father owes it to his children

to serve as the leader of the family unit. Certainly the mother is next

in the authority order. Children, in too many families, see mother countermand

father. Children see mothers make fun of the old man. Children grow up

not knowing a model for their own family when that happens. The chaos

is perpetuated from one generation to another.

When will we stop the abuse? Not even church-going folks are getting

it right. The latest surveys reveal the divorce rate inside the circle

of church-going folks is no less than that of people who don't go

to church.

My brief take is this: the Bible is still reliable; it's just that

too many of us soft-pedal its truth. Time to get