Urban comedies have had a good deal of success at the box office

over the years. Movies like "Friday," "Half-Baked," "Barbershop" and "Undercover

Brother" exceeded box office expectations and did well with

both critics and audiences. "The Cookout" is not even

in the same universe as any of those films. It is likely the

worst movie of the year and it may quite possibly be the worst

movie I have ever seen in my life (and I've seen "Boggy

Creek II: The Legend Continues" and "Demolition University" starring

Corey Haim).

The plot of "The Cookout" revolves around Todd Anderson,

a nice young man from a lower class neighborhood being chosen

as the number one pick in the basketball draft. Todd's in

line to make a lot of money now and he experiences some problems

in the form of gold-digging girlfriends and jealous former classmates.

When he moves into a luxurious gated community, he is pestered

racist neighbors played by Danny Glover and Farrah Fawcett. If

that plot sounded lucid and loaded with potential for humor,

it's not. Without a doubt, "The Cookout" is the

worst movie all three of those actors have ever been associated

with. I imagine that all three of them had made deals with the

Devil and this was their payment.

And yes, it really was that bad.

Every actor, top to bottom, gave their worst performance ever.

Part of the blame can go to an incredibly lame and often racist

script. Every secondary character, from Todd's cousin, a

single mother with three kids and at least two different fathers,

to Todd's hick cousins, his fat cousins, the gay German

chefs, the lame, racist white neighbor and her Uncle Tom husband

and, the worst of the bunch, the gangster and his "smoked

himself retarded" co-hort, were just horrible stereotypes

that need to be debunked and not glorified on the big screen.

The dialogue was extremely hokey in places and never once funny.

I seriously don't think there was one joke in the movie.

I think they just wanted the audience to laugh at premises and

half baked characterizations. It is hard to believe that even

when three people team up to write the story and another three

team up to write the screenplay, it can still be an utter and

complete failure.

The lion's share of the blame should go to director Danny

Rivera who made his directing debut with this movie and should

now hang up his directing cap forever. Having directed a few

student films and several theatrical productions myself, I found

myself wondering how Rivera could actually call "print that," meaning

that the take was good enough for film on a majority of scenes.

Perhaps he had just given up early in the process. The movie

did have a reek of defeat to it, seeming to say, "Well,

some people may enjoy this." And some people might, if they

are lobotomized or too weak to seize the remote and change the

channel.

You're probably thinking, "It can't really be

that bad. Mike's actually daring us to go see this." I'm

not. Stay away from this movie. If enough people actually pay

to see this, they may try to concoct a sequel that could only

be worse. I shudder to think of the possibilities.

I'll close with a relevant quote from a movie that a lot

of people consider to be bad, though it looks like "The

Godfather" in comparison.

"Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most

insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your

rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything

that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this

room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no

points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

"Billy Madison"

No stars

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