Contributing Writer

Okay, let's get something straight right from the start. When you have

children, you do things you'd normally never do.

For instance, when they're babies, you'll make silly faces and

babble incoherently. Come to think of it, The Wife and I went to our favorite

microbrewery last week, and we saw a few people doing that and there were

no babies anywhere around. Guess that was a bad example.

When the kids get a little older, you may go to kindergarten and eat lunch

with 25 screaming kids. When middle school rolls around you could decide

to volunteer your time as a coach (ask me about that one before you do) and

when they get into high school like The Boy, you might even participate in

various fundraisers for their athletic teams. This is where the Panther Prowl

5K Fun Run comes in.

First of all, let me erase any doubt you may have. There is nothing FUN

about running a 5K fun run.�Five K's can't be that long, I thought.

So I told The Wife to sign us up.�She said we didn't have to run the

5K because even though it was a fun run, we could walk. Even better, I thought.

I think they deliberately called it a 5K instead of what it really was:

3.2 miles. If they called it a 3.2-mile run, no one would show up. The Panther

Prowl should be renamed The Panther Crawl; that's the way I felt afterwards.�Dude,

3.2 miles is a looong way to run, walk or whatever.

We arrived at 6:30 p.m., which gave us plenty of time to watch the pre-race

show before the 7 p.m. start time.�Quickly, I could spot the serious runners

from the walkers.�The runners were already stretching and doing warmup laps

around the football field.�Most wore spandex running shorts, tank tops, new

special lightweight $150 marathon running shoes and wrist pulse meters.

The walkers, of which The Wife and I were proud members, had totally different

clothing. Walkers wore assortment of satin baseball shorts, cotton gym shorts,

cut-off blue jeans, Grateful Dead T-shirts, football and baseball jersey,

race shirts, ball caps, a straw hat or two, wrist watches, three people wore

sunglasses (even though it was raining), and cell phones.� Footwear varied

from loafers, to combat boots, to basketball shoes, with a pair of flip-flops

or two here and there and not one running shoe amongst them.�Heck, even one

girl went barefoot!�Walkers ... definitely my kind of people.

The type of clothing worn was not the only difference between the runners

and walkers last Friday night. There were many more differences. For instance,

the runners talked about all the training they did before the event; the

walkers talked about all the beer they were going to consume after the event.

The runners watched the Ethiopians run in the 10,000 meters and Olympic marathon

for inspiration that morning as they consumed their sports shakes and swallowed

their vitamins. The walkers read the sports page in the AJC and consumed

their daily intake of artery blocking, cholesterol-filled bacon, eggs, and

biscuits. The runners measured the distance to be run in kilometers; one

member of our walking team measured it in cigarettes.�A 5K Fun Run is four

cigarettes in duration.

The runners checked in at the sign-in table, got their numbers and free

T-shirts and went out on the track for the start of the race � for runners

it's all about the race.�Some of the walkers checked in at the sign-in

table, got their numbers and free T-shirts, and then went home.�For the walkers

it's all about getting the free T-shirt.

The rest of us walkers went down to the track at the starting line where

someone with a bullhorn was giving instructions.�I raised my hand and announced, "Excuse

me, I don't need any instructions; I already know how to walk." My

comment spurred laughter from the rest of the walkers and a sharp poke in

the ribs from The Wife.

The gun sounded, and we were off, runners and walkers alike.�Twice around

the track, then up past the high school, past the middle school, turn right

at the elementary school, back down past the middle school, and around the

high school.�We did the same loop around the schools for a second time, then

back down to the track for one additional lap.�The speed-o runner who won

did so in 18 minutes; we finished up walking in 52.

Many things I learned from the Panther 5K fun run. You can raise a lot of

money staging a 5K running event. Walkers have a whole lot more fun than

runners. Runners never smile; walkers do.�Runners recover from their efforts

with a cold shower back at the house.�Walkers recover from their efforts

with a cold adult beverage from the local microbrewery. But the most important

thing I learned was that when a runner has lapped you twice and is about

to lap you for a third time, it will take all your remaining strength to

fight the uncontrollable urge to throw a stick out in front of him. Didn't

say I did; just said I wanted to.