I wrote the following column three days before leaving Uganda in East

Africa for good old U.S.A., completing three weeks packed full of opportunities

to teach Christian perspectives and principles concerning marriage. I

fully assure you I will be thrilled to get home.

My hosts were Pastors Bethuel Dongo and Solomon Kato. Bethuel leads

the Kabalagala Church and Solomon is associate pastor of Kampala Pentecostal

Church. Although their days are full of responsibilities from early morning

until late in the night, they cut out blocks of time to take me into

the bush (the countryside). Christians who live in the bush are mostly

neglected by guest ministers for three reasons: no promise of a healthy

honorarium; roads and traffic that make a 30 minute trip into 90 minutes;

and only speaking to 35 to 75 people. But by the grace of God, there

I go.

Near the end of each of these conferences, I ask participants to give

me their feedback, providing some sort of evaluation for future conferences.

Of course, any conference on marriage must include instruction on sex.

What has amazed me more than anything else is that the Ugandan participants

can ask a never-ending list of questions about sex.

Not unlike America, most young Ungandans receive sex education from

peers, the public bathrooms, and magazines. Before she speaks her vows,

the bride is taken aside by aunties and instructed to be submissive to

her husband, how she should never question his decisions, and always

serve as a willing sex partner. Interestingly, the groom never receives

similar instruction from his uncles. The reason: the culture has already

taught him well that he is to be the chief, the boss, and absolute ruler

in his home.

For each conference, I try to start by laying down a Biblical foundation

that clearly shows the equality for husband and wife, that in the Genesis

account, both man and woman were created in the image of God. I point

out that within the first two chapters of Genesis, there is no hint of

the superiority of man, nor that there are rules set down that defined

each of their roles. Not until the Fall (man and women sinned by eating

fruit from the tree of knowledge - a tree which had been banned)

did things change.

Consequently, before the fall, there were no separate roles for man

and woman. There was no hint of rulership (except over the animals and

that rulership was given to man and woman). The Garden of Eden was the

most wonderful place to live and grow a family. But the sin of the human

couple changed everything for them and you and me. When man works sweat

will be popping out, and his work would be hindered by thorns and briars.

The woman was told that one consequence of her sin would be that the

pain of childbirth would be greatly multiplied.

As we continue the conference they begin to realize that this one is

far different from any one they had ever attended. We discussed a survey

that shows that the most important need that a man has is for sexual

fulfillment and the uppermost need of most women is for emotional intimacy

(the kind that does not lead to sex).

Many men participants, armed with that bit of survey information, begin

asking why their wives were always telling them they were too tired to

have sex. Here's my response to that strata of questioning.

First, every man must realize that he is not just one giant sex machine.

There's more to a man than his sex glands. If allowed, sex can become

an idol, more important than the marriage relationship and sometimes

more important than God.

Second, I advise men to consider the top five needs of most women and

seek to meet those needs in an attempt to communicate genuine love, but

also take some of the physical load off their wives (most women spend

two to three hours cooking supper every night - with no nights off).

A wife's top needs (according to Willard F. Harley, Jr., in his

book, His Needs, Her Needs - Building An Affair Proof Marriage,

are affection, conversation, financial support, honesty and openness,

and family commitment. If husbands would die to their own needs, they

would receive serendipitous blessings from their wives - perhaps

in the bed.

Ninety-nine percent of the Ugandans who are receiving these teachings

are thrilled. In several two-day conferences, I could tell a difference

in how husbands and wives were treating one another overnight.

I am truly thankful to my church here in Fayetteville for making it

possible for me to go to a remote country in Africa and conduct foreign

missions.

Outreach International Center will always receive a fraction of the

action as these African marriages are saved and strengthened.

Home | News | Sports | Opinion | Weekend | Special Sections | Classifieds | Archives

Copyright 2004-Fayette Publishing, Inc.