I fear the dog days of the summer movie season are upon us.

Gone are the spectacle "event" movies and now we get

the leftovers, the movies that studios were not betting heavy

on to begin with. One would think that such a high concept movie

like "Alien vs. Predator" would be a sure-fire hit,

since fans have clamored to see installments in both series separately,

but after seeing this debacle, I doubt it. Instead of the intensity

and chills of the first two "Alien" movies or the first "Predator," "Alien

vs. Predator" is more on par with "Leprechaun 5: Leprechaun

in the Hood."

The plot, which is quite thin, is this: Charles Bishop Weyland,

played by Lance Henriksen, who played Bishop in "Aliens" and

Bishop II in "Aliens III," is a rich man who has a

satellite floating over Antarctica. When a heat bloom lights

up a pyramid under the ice, Weyland assembles a crack team to

get down to the pyramid and explore it. The team gets down there

but doesn't realize that it was a trap set by Predators.

What follows is basically a "haunted pyramid under the ice" movie,

where the walls shift and the aliens wake up and pick off what

seems like dozens of superfluous characters that no one could

possibly care about. Of course, what the aliens don't kill,

the Predators do. The film is rated PG-13, so the gore is kept

to a minimum.

"Alien vs. Predator" was written and directed by Paul

W. S Anderson, who actually isn't a hack. Anderson wrote

and directed the surprisingly effective "Resident Evil," which

is another type of maze-like haunted house movie, and also sat

at the helm for "Event Horizon," which was a creepy,

haunted spaceship movie. The problem with this film is that Anderson

forgot that good horror needs good people. Secondary characters

in horror movies are basically human chum, but for a movie to

be moderately interesting there has to be at least one or two

characters the audience cares about. "Alien vs. Predator" failed

because the audience could not connect or get behind Henriksen's

dying billionaire looking for one last adventure, nor could they

rally behind the ice expert Lex, played by Sanaa Lathan ("Blade," "Out

of Time").

The premise was promising and the idea of a pyramid that becomes

a shape-shifting labyrinth is great, but I think that few people

care about who would win in a death match between aliens and

Predators. In 2003's "Freddy vs. Jason," each

monster brought considerable skills to the table and their stories

and motives for why they are the way they are, are well known

to horror aficionados. The question of who would win in a battle

was debated for years, much like the debate of Batman vs. Superman,

and though the movie was uneven and left much to be desired,

there were some great moments. This move had no such moments.

Aliens kill either by popping out of one's chest or by piercing

one with either their tail or (and I hope you're not reading

this during breakfast) a smaller alien that comes out of their

mouth. Predators use weapons and can camouflage themselves. Neither

of them talk and their reasons for hunting people down are unknown.

At least Freddy and Jason have a twisted take on revenge propelling

them through endless sequels. How this movie ties in with their

predecessors, I'll never know and I don't really care.

The tag line for "Alien vs. Predator" is "Who

ever wins, we lose," yet it ends up choosing a side and

then hoping the audience goes along with it and roots for that

side as well. This was a poor choice by Anderson, who should

have known that nobody really cares what happens in Antarctica.

Had he shifted it to the North Pole and had the personality challenged

cast protect Santa and his elves, we might have had a movie here.

I like bad horror movies almost more than anyone else, but I

just couldn't get behind this film. In fact, the biggest

disappointment is that this is the type of thing that Henriksen,

my boy from "Millennium" has been reduced to. Sure,

he gives a shout out to his Bishop character early in the film,

but this is the man who starred in such 'B' horror

movie classics as "Near Dark," "Pumpkinhead," and

the hilarious "Man's Best Friend." He deserves

better and so do you. Do yourself a favor and rent one of those

previously mentioned movies or rent Anderson's much better "Resident

Evil."

Home | News | Sports | Opinion | Weekend | Special

Sections | Classifieds | Archives

Copyright 2004-Fayette Publishing, Inc.