On the night before his shoulder surgery, his older son called to let him

know that he was thinking about him. Then, as the conversation came to a

close, son says, "Hey, Dad, one more thing, if everything goes south

tomorrow, can I have your tractor?"

That John Deere tractor comment from his son did wonders. Almost like prayer!

Little did son know that two days earlier I had asked his dad to show me

again how to work the tractor and mowers and a few other pieces of equipment,

as in power tools, etc.

You should have seen the look on his face. Stricken is what he was. Downright

pale. He spent the next 48 hours thinking about chickening out, as in canceling

the surgery.

He was not afraid of the surgery. He was afraid of having me go near any

of his tools and machinery, especially that beloved tractor.

In fact, he said to me, "You stay away! I don't need to show you

or remind you of anything. I nearly had heart failure the last time you were

on my tractor."

He was healthy as a horse that day, but now that I think about it, he may

have exhibited that same appearance. Stricken. Pale. Anxious.

Well, at this writing, we are now 48 hours post-op. And you know what he

is worried about? His tractor. Not his job at Delta Air Lines. Not when he

can drive his truck. Not any number of things I would be glad to list for

him that I once thought was in the running with me for his affection.

It appears there just may be something about a Deere. As a matter of fact

that gigantic green and yellow hunk of metal and rubber may be the thing

for which he now has the most affection. I figure it beats the heck out of

competing with some woman at our age!

In all honesty, I suppose I would be just like him if I could not access

my computer. Over the past decade I have had several major surgeries. I recall

vividly that the one thing I was most concerned about was getting my equipment

and important files situated at a convenient downstairs work station that

would be more easily accessible. After several times of going through that

over the past 10 years I now have a dedicated downstairs office and only

keep little used files and supplies upstairs.

We all want to feel useful and productive don't we? And when we are

most vulnerable it seems the desire to be productive is even more strongly

felt.

It hurt me to hear someone say a few weeks ago that his life is not what

he planned. After a couple of heart attacks and strokes, his retirement does

not permit all the golf games he had planned to play "someday." A

brilliant man, a banker in fact, there are those who called him a workaholic.

I never thought so. I just believed he loved his work. There is a difference.

Still he had his "someday" thoughts stored up for the retirement

years.

And that's okay. It is good, in fact, to do that. Plan your life like

you are going to live forever, but live it like today is all you've

got. That has been my motto since I was a very young girl. It works well.

I am, however, sitting here today at this keyboard wondering what it is

about that tractor. I am very disappointed that his pain pills have had an

opposite effect. Instead of sedating him, he is hyped. Big time. Overly alert.

Too aware. A little nervous.

I would not dare go crawl up on that green and yellow seat today. It would

be unfair in his present recuperative state. Don't know if Dr. Gruber

or his own green and yellow incentive to get well will get the credit, but

I have a feeling this could be one of the fastest recuperative periods in

the history of shoulder surgery.

Soon, however, he will be back at Delta. Maybe as early as next week. And

I know where that key is kept. Anything could happen.

After all, if it were another woman, I would want to know more about her.

What makes her tick. How she makes him feel. What makes her more attractive

than me. More fun. More lovable. Oh, well you get the picture.

So, look out, my Deere, I'm checking you out real soon! It's time

I better understood my competition!