Mister Webster defines a fossil

as "belonging to the past, outdated, old-fashioned, or antiquated."

Yep, that's me. I'm

a dinosaur, one of the last, true, living fossils. Least that's what

The Boy says I am. After listening to him talk the other day, seems things

have changed quite a bit in high school since I walked the hallowed halls

of Briarwood, home of the mighty Buccaneers.

Back in the day, we learned

all about the "new math," and teachers didn't want you

to show your work. Nowadays the "old math" we did is called

"new math," and if students don't show their work, they'll

get the answer wrong. Years ago, statistics and calculus were taught only

in college; now students learn about them in tenth and eleventh grade.

The Boy asked for help last

night with homework. Would someone please tell me - when did math start

to come with numbers AND letters? It's tough being a dinosaur.

On the football field years

ago, all us Buccaneers would wear white athletic socks, the ones that

came all the way up over the calf and had three colored rings at the top.

Ever watch kids play football today? You can't even see the socks

'cause they wear quarter socks. Same price, but quarter the sock

- and no colored rings anywhere.

Off the football field we wore

colored socks to school. Only geeks wore white socks off the football

field. Now athletes wear white socks to school, and only geeks were colored

socks.

When I asked The Boy where

all the colored rings went, he replied, "Daaaad, were you born in

the stone age?"

Proudly I said, "Nope,

I was born in the Jurassic period. Remember, I'm a dinosaur."

The Boy was not amused. Trying

to keep up with today's fashions sure is frustrating for a dinosaur.

When Bubba Hanks walked down

the halls of Briarwood High School, he always wore long, baggy black shorts

that came down to his knees, a XXL white T-shirt untucked and white, high-top

tennis shoes. He was the only one who dressed that way. Bubba wasn't

much on making a fashion statement; he said it was just comfortable.

Go to any high school now,

and the kids during PE will all be wearing long baggy black shorts that

come down to their knees, white T-shirts untucked and white, high top

tennis shoes. Guess Bubba was a trend setter after all. Me? I still wear

white socks with three colored rings around the top, being the dinosaur

that I am.

Since I've been married

to The Wife, when it gets cold, she will not let me wear my ugly coat.

Each time I pull it out of the closet, she says the same thing: "You're

not really going to wear that, are you? It's ugly and not in style."

As I put it back in the closet, I tell her that it may be ugly but at

least it's warm - kinda like me.

Last month it got really cold,

and I reached once again for the ugly coat. The Wife said, "Well,

I guess you waited long enough. Twenty-five years later, and ugly coats

are finally back in style." I'll be warm and proud next winter

walking around the county in my ugly coat. The Wife will be embarrassed,

but at least I'll be warm.

We were driving to our favorite

BBQ restaurant yesterday, the one where they serve sweet tea in large-mouth

Mason jars. I was complaining about The Boy calling me old and out of

touch with today's youth. I felt bad 'cause he had called me

a dinosaur. Trying to make me feel better, The Wife said, "Honey,

don't worry, the dinosaurs were the biggest animals on the planet.

For thousands of years they were at the top of the food chain."

That's me; I'm a

dinosaur! The top of the food chain at our house!

She continued, "Dinosaurs

ruled the earth and were feared by all others." Yep, that sounds

just like me. I'm feared by all!

Well, The Boy's now as

big as I am. He doesn't fear me anymore. The Wife, well, she's

smaller than I am, and she never feared me. But our two cats? They run

like crazy and hide when I come into the room. They know who the boss

is around our house!

As we pulled into the parking

lot of the BBQ restaurant, The Wife finished by saying with a smile, "And

now, we ride around with dinosaurs in our gas tanks." Hmm, food for

thought if you've been called a dinosaur lately.

[Rick Ryckeley is employed

be reached at [email protected].]