Dear Santa,

Though this letter/column will

run on Christmas Eve, which may be a little late - even for you -

I hope you can help me out. As you already know, I've been pretty

good this year. I do my chores with minimal grumbling, I've been

trying to watch my mouth and I've been fairly nice to people all

year, generally speaking.

So, what do I want this year?

Well, first, I think I'd like that drum set that I seem to have to

ask you for every year. When I was growing up I was told that it just

wasn't the right time or that you didn't have room in the sleigh

or that my mother's Christmas wish negated my Christmas wish. In

fact, I heard that last one several times. But now, I've got my own

house and I want to play drums. Just like my favorite drummer of all time,

Animal.

Secondly, how about that Lego

movie-making kit. I know some people might say I'm a bit old for

toys, but if I'm not too old to watch Sponegbob Squarepants at 10:30

at night and see all the toy commercials, then I might not be too old

for the Lego movie-making thingee. It looks cool and I could make all

sorts of movies. The first thing I want to do is make a Lego remake of

"The Big Chill," only this time I'll include more of the

previously unreleased Kevin Costner footage.

Third on my list is a Snoopy

Sno-Cone machine. This is another holdover of things I did not receive

years ago. I guess it didn't make much sense to give a kid in Massachusetts

a sno-cone machine, when all he had to do is scoop snow off his window

ledge for the next three months and put some chocolate flavoring in it.

Well, now I could use it. Winter will most likely be over very soon down

here and I'd like to kick back on my deck this spring and make my

friends and family some sno-cones. Be sure to add extra flavoring packets.

Fourth, could you use some

of your magic and get me a U2 Joshua Tree tour shirt, like the one I had

years ago, that just disappeared one day? I don't know what happened

to that shirt, or my Guns N' Roses Appetite for Destruction shirt

with the band members' faces looking like skulls. If you could find

either one, in my current size, I'd appreciate it.

O.K., now here's the intangible

requests, but hopefully enough people asked for these this year and you

could help make them happen.

1. No more war. Please. Help

get everybody home and help everybody just chill out. No more shootings

or bombings, just peace. Sprinkle some fairy dust over Iraq, quietly so

no one thinks it's a chemical attack, and make everything peaceful.

Just for a little while, anyway.

2. A special flu vaccine in

all candy canes. Apparently, there are not enough flu shots for everybody

and some people are getting really sick, so a little Christmas magic to

make people feel better would be great.

3. Last thing, can you do anything

to make people nicer for a little while longer? Leading up to the holidays,

everybody is so nice and giving and generous and then, right after the

new year, the old frustrations come back. How about slipping some nice

drugs in the candy canes laced with flu shots? See if that works.

O.K., well, I know you'll

get this before you leave as you are an avid reader of The Citizen Online,

and I know I can't get everything on my list. That's part of

your mystery and charm, I guess.

Thanks, have a safe ride -

don't fly too close to those no-fly zones, and I'll drop you

a line next year. I promise I'll write earlier next Christmas.

Love, Mike

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