Some things are predictable

in this world. Each year you will have a birthday, unless you're

over thirty. (Then, somehow, you stop having them.) Halley's Comet

will come around once every 75 years. There will be an election for your

state governor once every four years - unless you live in California,

that is. (Then it's whenever you get tired of the current one.) But,

at the end of this month, a special event witch (ha ha) only happens once

every seven years will occur. And this has yours truly excited beyond

words...well not really; that would mean this column was only one paragraph

long. For you see this year dear reader - oh my, what a fright - Halloween

will fall on a Friday night!

This is gonna be a huge happening, one somehow overlooked by the mainstream

media - an event as significant as any gubernatorial election and guaranteed

not to be recalled. Seeing little monsters and hobgoblins scurrying across

the yard once again will be as exciting as watching Halley's Comet

streak across the starry night sky. Get your cobwebs ready and start digging

your bottomless pits. Check to see if the ten-foot, black and purple,

blow-up yard spider is full of air and ready to go. Hang up skeletons

in the trees and make sure they're rocking 'cause all the trick-or-treaters

in the neighborhood will soon come a-knocking.

After four trips to the local party story, we're all stocked with

tasty ghoulish treats: candy eyeballs, chocolate flies, candy fingers

on sticks, and gummy worms. For the little monsters there'll be plenty

of bubble gum, gummy bears, and snicker bars. I in my Batman costume with

state-of-the-art utility belt and The Wife dressed as the angel that she

is (with glow-n-the-dark halo) will eagerly await little knocks on our

door. They'll come for candy, but they'll get much more.

The Boy dug the bottomless pit last week while I put up the warning signs

and made sure they were well lit; this year we hope not to lose anyone.

We placed tombstones of Halloween past, present and future in the graveyard

next to the old, dead creepy tree; compliments of a stray lighting bolt

from the big storm last year. The smoke machine was checked and will cover

the yard with an eerie white mist. Speakers were hung in the trees and

will play scary music while strobe lights lining the driveway and sidewalk

illuminate the way. The safety of all trick-or-treaters next Friday night

is our main concern, but beware...if you come to our house on Halloween,

your candy treats will be well earned.

All kids should have a flashlight to illuminate their way past all the

scary decorations and bottomless pits. Walk on the sidewalks if possible;

never cut across lawns because other bottomless pits may not be as well

marked as ours. If you live in the land of 10,000 golf carts, be careful

because the goblins driving them may not see you. Any party store will

have hanging reflectors or reflector stickers/tape. Moms, add this to

your little monster's costumes on the front and back. Only visit

homes that you know, and always examine all candy before you allow it

to be eaten. Halloween is really neat, but if we don't have a lot

of little monsters visiting our house this year, we'll be eating

leftover candy for weeks and weeks.

If you make it past our yard full of zombies, don't get blown over

white mist, don't fall into the bottomless pit (if you do, let me

know if you find The Boy down there), and step over the scary "Boo

Mat," then you have earned your treat, and The Wife and I will give

you a bunch of candy to eat. Have fun and be safe this Halloween.