The wife and

I were making our way home, traveling south of Fayetteville on Georgia

85. We passed Melear's Barbeque. We had just been downtown Atlanta making

a call at Grady Hospital. While in downtown Atlanta, we noticed all the

beautifully colored cow statues decorating the city's streets known as

CowParade, the world's largest public art event to show in the Southeast

United States. The event debuted in Atlanta June 28.

So, as we passed

Melear's it only made sense that I point out the cow positioned in the

front yard of the restaurant. I called attention to the cow in front of

the restaurant. My wife said it was not a cow, but a pig. As we continued

to drive south, she kept insisting, "It is a pig." I countered,

"It's a cow." More than ten times did we make our insistent

statements. We realized there was only one way to settle the argument

make a u-turn and examine the critter.

As we were

driving back, we made a deal: whoever was right would get a foot massage

that evening at home. Driving back to the scene of the conflict, I could

just feel my feet receiving a wonderful, lotion-lathered massage. It would

be the end of a perfect day. We had a great church service that morning

and had found out that a young couple who had an accident on the way to

church that very morning were fine and being released from the hospitals

(in fact, the accident took place as they were turning into the church's

driveway).

As we approached

Melear's that standard of a Fayette landmark we both just knew we were

right, not together, but separately. And then our eyes beheld what we

had never seen. There was a pig statuette and a cow statuette only feet

apart. What do you know? We both were right. Neither was wrong. No one

won the foot massage because we both were right.

What a grand

illustration for conflict in marriage. From Mary Ann's perspective, she

saw one thing a pig. Yet from my perspective, I saw another thing a cow.

Because of different perspectives as we drove by Melear's, we saw the

situation differently.

Many an argument

between husband and wife starts off because of different perspectives

regarding an issue. The issue may be the purchase of a new car or living

room furniture. The issue may be the best way to raise the kids and the

kind of discipline to mete out. The issue may be the lack of personal,

intimate time afforded by the calendar and clock.

The characteristic

that we approach such "issues" is the old reliable, old fashioned,

"I'm right and you are wrong" approach.

The "I

am right and you are wrong" approach to conflict resolution invariably

leads to a Mexican standoff, or a stepping out of the room or house by

one or the other, or a shouting match that requires several days to get

back to a civil, "good morning." But there yours truly was with

his mate of nearly 29 years employing the good old "I am right and

you are wrong" approach to conflict resolution.

The good news

is that we made a U-turn. The Bible's word for a U-turn is "repent."

The word "repent" is colored with military green, meaning to

make an about face (a 180-degree turn about). We made the U-turn to go

back and look at the truth, to gaze with some degree of effort at the

scene of the crime. As we approached Melear's, I quickly saw my vindication

the cow. But just as quickly Mary Ann saw the pig. Eureka, we both were

right, but not all right because our vision was limited. Upon returning

to the scene, we saw the whole picture.

Perhaps that

can be a parable to all of us married folks. With our opinion and our

slant on things, we just know we are right; but, we are not seeing the

picture. We need to repent and return to the whole issue again; without

smoke and fire, bells and whistles, shouts and groans, we need to look

at the issue again in all its truthfulness. We need to return together

so that each can see what the other saw.

To strengthen

communication in marriage, you will always need to hear out the other

perspective because in all humility, with just one perspective you are

somewhat limited. So, say to your spouse, "Well, dear, what's your

take on this? What's your perspective on the issue?