I am a simple

man; just ask The Wife. Being simple, I have but simple needs. I want

food when I'm hungry, water when I'm thirsty, and after a long day of

riding my fire truck putting out fires, rescuing damsels in distress and

getting cats out of trees, I want to take a shower and rest.

Now, after

being married to The Wife, I have one additional need: I want the Raspberry

Pink Stuff in a can.

After we were

married The Wife moved in, and with her came subscriptions to four women's

magazines and a lifetime supply of Raspberry Pink Stuff in a can. Lest

I be kicked out of all men's clubs, the discovery of the Raspberry Pink

Stuff in our bathroom was purely accidental. Guys, after reading this

article, you will rush to the store to buy some, but be warned. If you

try to grab your wife's Raspberry Pink Stuff, be prepared to get your

hand slapped!

Last week I

ran out of shaving cream and was looking around the bathroom for something

I could use instead. I tried soap; that didn't work. Then I tried shampoo;

that didn't work either, but at least now I don't have to worry about

that embarrassing facial dandruff anymore. In desperation, I kept looking,

and that's when I came upon The Wife's can of Raspberry Pink Stuff. She

was away at a conference, and I was just gonna use a little bit, so I

was sure she wouldn't mind. Guys, pay close attention to the next few

paragraphs; major girl secrets are about to be exposed.

Girl secret

#1 exposed: The Pink Stuff is the good stuff. Now, women have known this

small factoid for years. I found The Wife's pink can of shaving cream

in the shower. I figure she was hiding it in there to keep it away from

me. What came out of the can wasn't white, nor was it a green gel that

smelled like a pine tree. No, what came out instead was a sweet smelling

pink gel - "A unique blend of eight different conditioners, emollients

and three lubricants." Least that's what's written on the side of

the can.

The shaving

cream went on smoothly, and my razor seemed to glide easier. Except for

the fact that now I smell like a spring flower, the Raspberry Pink Stuff

in a can was far superior to my normal saving cream. I thought, "If

The Wife's shaving cream is that much better than mine, then what about

her razor?"

Girl secret

#2 exposed: Little pink razors are the best. The next day, after changing

the razor blade and lathering up with Raspberry Pink Stuff in a can, I

began to shave with The Wife's razor. No matter how fast I shaved, not

one single nick, cut or razor burn. The blade on her razor was not just

a single blade but three blades stacked on top of each other. The handle

of the little pink razor was filled with gel that warmed and molded to

fit right into the palm of my hand.

When finished

shaving, I hide the Raspberry Pink Stuff in a can back in shower along

with her three tier razor with the warming gel handle. All along I was

wondering what else she had that was better than mine. That's when I spied

an advertisement for the Raspberry Pink Stuff and razor with the three

tiers and the gel handle that warms in your hand on back of one of her

women's magazines.

Girl secret

#3 exposed: Women's magazines tell all our secrets. After reading just

one of her magazines, I have come to a startling conclusion. Guys, whether

you know it or not, they know everything about us. They know more about

us than we know about them ­ a whole lot more. They know what clothes

we like to wear, what cars we like to drive, what gifts we like to get,

what shows we like to watch on TV, what movies we love and what movies

we hate. The other three magazines had articles and surveys like ­

how to dress your man, what to feed your man, what is he really thinking,

and how to make your man happy. (I got the answer for that last one -

just give me Raspberry Pink Stuff in a can.) In all four magazines, one

other thing was common: page after page of advertisements for Raspberry

Pink Stuff in a can and three tier razors with a gel handle that warms

in your hand.

In closing,

a word to all the guys out there: it's not a good idea to let your wife

come home to an empty can of Raspberry Pink Stuff in a can. Nor is it

a good idea for her to try and use a dull three tier razor with a gel

handle that warms in your hand to shave her legs.

[Rick Ryckeley

is employed by the Fayette County Department of Fire and Emergency Services.

He can be reached at [email protected].]