Early on in

Ms. Newsome's third-grade class, I learned three valuable lessons.

The first was

not to make fun of the kid who had to stand with his nose in the corner.

Ms. Newsome's classroom had four corners, as she didn't mind using all

of them.

The second

was time-out meant get-out. When you misbehaved in Ms. Newsome's class,

she would simply put your desk out in the hallway, and that's were you

spent the rest of the day.

The first two

lessons I learned aren't very relevant today. Teachers don't make students

stand in corners anymore - and for good reason. Soon they would run out

of corners. They don't put desks out in the hallway anymore 'cause it's

a fire hazard - can't block the hallways with all those desks.

But the third

lesson I learned in Ms. Newsome's class is as important today as it was

way-back-when, and kids should take note of it: Eating a bug does not

impress a girl. Especially a girl named Jenny.

Jenny had been

my sweetheart since the third grade, and our relationship was perfect.

We had an understanding, a connection that went way beyond words. By the

tenth grade, I had finally decided that it was time to make my feelings

known and tell her she was my one and only, which was a big surprise to

her current boyfriend, Preston Weston.

Preston Weston

lived on Gloucester Street, one street over from Flamingo Street. People

with money lived on Gloucester Street, and Preston's family had more than

most. Guess that's why Jenny was his girlfriend - that and he probably

didn't try to impress her by eating a bug in the third grade. I should

have known something was up when Down-The-Street Bully Brad was being

nice to me and said, "Go ahead, eating a bug will impress Jenny."

Preston was

well-known and well liked by many; he was the captain of the football

team and had straight A's in all his classes. I was well known also -

for eating a bug in the third grade. Some things kids just don't let you

forget.

During the

summer, Preston's family went on vacation and traveled. They traveled

the entire summer - all the kids on Gloucester Street did. We went on

vacation and traveled also - we traveled over to Cliff Condos and Neighbor

Thomas' house. Jumping off the top of Cliff Condos and playing in Thomas'

pool was like a vacation ­ well, sort of. For the remainder of my

time in high school, I tried to be just like Preston.

I bugged Mom

(no pun intended) 'til she bought me the same clothes that Preston wore,

but we could only afford one shirt and one pair of pants and a $25 pair

of Keds tennis shoes. Preston wore some expensive clothes! I tried to

walk like him, talk like him, I even tried the ultimate sacrifice ­

studying to get better grades like him. All in hope of impressing Jenny,

but alas, it was to no avail. Jenny just didn't want anything to do with

a bug-eater.

I told The

Wife the story of Jenny the other day, and like always, she gave me some

good advice. She said, "The best way to impress a girl is to be yourself.

They don't like it when you try to be someone you're not. If they really

like you they don't care if you live in a big house, have nice clothes

or even have lots of money. They'll like you for just being you."

She also said if I ever wanted to kiss her again, she'd better not catch

me eating any more bugs. I told her my bug-eating days were long ago.

I got bitten

all of it. That afternoon I started to feel bad so I called my friend

The Health Inspector. He said, "If you pull off a tick make sure

you get the head." When I told him I didn't, he asked me how I looked.

"Terrible!" I answered.

He said, "That's

too bad, the doctor can't do anything about that, but if you don't feel

good you need to go in and get checked out." Then he asked, "Your

not eating bugs again are you?" My friend The Health Inspector; such

a funny guy.

The next day

it was off to see Doctor Jim. "Doc, I think I have Lyme disease,"

I said. "When I wake up in the morning, all of my joints hurt, and

I hear creaks and pops. By the end of the day, the muscles in my arms

and legs are weak."

He examined

me and left to run some tests. Thirty minutes later, he came back with

the results.

He said, "Well

I've got good news and bad news. The good news is you don't have Lyme

disease. The bad news is your joints and muscles hurt all the time because

you're getting old, and there's nothing I can do about that." That

Doc Jim - he's a funny guy too.

This summer

if you go to the mountains camping, make sure you bring some citronella

candles with you to ward off any flying insects around the camp site.

Spray shoes, socks, and long pants with a bug spray that has "DEET."

Be sure to check with your doctor to see if it's alright for children.

If you get tired of hiking and the fish aren't biting, you can help you

kids start a bug collection. Trust me; the North Georgia mountains have

some very big bugs. Besides, ya never know when they might meet a girl

named Jenny.

[Rick Ryckeley

is employed by the Fayette County Department of Fire and Emergency Services.

He can be reached at [email protected].]