The Wife and

I tried out the new micro-brewery and steakhouse the other night. We had

heard there would be over an hour wait. Knowing me as she does, The Wife

was worried, but we went anyway.

When we arrived,

the line was already out the door and it wasn't even seven o'clock. I

told her, "Its okay, it's a micro-brewery; I'm sure we'll find something

to do while we wait for our table."

Once inside,

the place was truly impressive with a long bar that ran the length of

the first level. The walls and A frame ceiling were all made out of logs

which gave the restaurant an open-air, rustic ambiance. A wood staircase

led up to the second level loft. We didn't make our way up there; micro-brewery,

ya know. We sat down and, while waiting for a table, couldn't help but

overhear the conversation from the next barstool.

A nice young

lady said to her girlfriend, "I've been dating Steve for the last

two years and he just dumped me, can you believe that? Men! Sometimes

I wish there were no men in the world."

A world without

men, I thought; now that could be a very interesting place.

I have always

been under the impression that if women had anything else they could date,

us menfolk would have been out of luck long ago. Lucky for us, they don't.

But what if there were a world without men? What would it be like, how

would it be run, and who would be president?

Warning to

reader: The following is a stereotypical depiction of such a world; I

know, 'cause The Wife said it was.

In a world

without men there would be no divorce, 'cause there would be no men. In

such a world, children would always be taken care of. Ever seen a mother

tiger turn her back and leave her cubs? Every boo-boo and owee would be

kissed, and tears wiped gently away from crying young eyes. In such a

world no one would say, "Don't do that; you'll make a sissy out of

him." Yes, things certainly would be different in a world without

men.

Everything

would be organized and clean with no stacks and piles of stuff anywhere.

There would be no unfinished projects in any house, and everyone would

be able to sit down and eat dinner as a family. There would be no sports

channels on TV; they would all be replaced with home shopping networks.

In fact, there would be no sports at all; school-age children would concentrate

purely on academics while in school, a truly novel concept in today's

society. A world without men would not just be without sports; it would

also be void of certain businesses.

In a world

without men, there would be no professional wrestling, no NASCAR racing,

the lounge chair industry would be on the recline, and beer sales would

spiral almost out of existent. The world without men a very different

place indeed!

All the corner

hardware stores would be closed, and in each place, a Starbucks would

open up. No matter what size clothes you buy, it would always say a size

6 on the label. All government agencies would be run as efficiently as

households are run, budgets would tighten and wasteful spending done away

with. There would be no $600 toilet seats, unless they were heated.

There would

be no arguments on how the government should be run in the world without

men; there would be no reason. Have you ever won an argument with your

wife? Oprah Winfrey would be president, and Martha Stewart would be her

vice-president. There would be no war 'cause men always start the wars.

Well, except that Helen of Troy person, but that's ancient history. The

world without men would be an interesting place, but the world without

women, I'm sorry to say, would not fare as well.

The world without

women would be vastly different than the world without men. Yes, indeed.

It would not last long; men can only fight about so many things until

they run out of things to fight about. Nothing would ever get accomplished

- how could it? First, no one could find his car keys with so much stuff

stacked and piled everywhere in the house. Governments would spiral into

chaos and crumble. All the food would run out, of course, right after

all the adult beverages.

The world without

women would last about 30 days. Nothing would get done, nothing would

ever be found that is lost, and no one would go to work. Life as we know

it would soon end, because all the men would spend all of their time and

money looking for the women.

The young lady

at the bar caught the eye of a single man, and the hunt was on once again.

Guess her idea of a world without men will have to wait. Our dining experience

at the new micro-brewery was extremely enjoyable, and I would highly recommend

it to all, but watch out for the Panther Ale - a pale ale which I think

they should change the name of to Leopard Ale. One too many, and the next

morning you'll be seeing spots before your eyes.

[Rick Ryckeley

is employed by the Fayette County Department of Fire and Emergency Services.

He can be reached at [email protected].]