As I get older,

there are three things that I seem to have less and less of and one thing

I have more and more of.

The first thing

I have less of is money. No matter how hard I work, or how many hours

I put in, there never seems to be enough money. The second thing is time.

Back in elementary school, vacations during the summer down on Flamingo

Street seem to last forever. Now they go by in a blink of an eye; that's

if I get to take one at all with all the work I have to do.

Patience is

the third thing I have less of. I've found that the older I get, patience

is a virtue that I have very little time for. Guess that comes from not

having enough money or the time to go on vacation.

The only thing

I seem to have more of nowadays is junk. Junk is the cause of a lot of

trouble in this world. The following are just a couple of truths I have

found to be self evident about the wonderful word of junk.

Junk can multiply

a week. Don't understand why the same number of people live at our house,

but we noaw have twice as much junk to haul away.

There are only

two logical explanations for the sudden increase. If you stack and pile

junk long enough, it will multiply by itself or the neighbors are bringing

their junk over and setting it out with ours. I don't know about you,

but I bet it's the former rather than the latter.

Junk is mighty

and all-powerful. It can stop cars and trucks from moving even out of

your driveway! If you can't find your keys, you're not going anywhere.

Just look through all of the piles of junk that haven't made it to the

dump yet. The keys will be there somewhere.

Junk causes

crime! Yes, junk has an ugly side. If you didn't have such nice, expensive

junk maybe that thief wouldn't have broken in to steal it in the first

place. I'm proud to say that I'm doing my part to keep the crime rate

low in our county. No self-respecting thief would break in to steal our

junk. It's even hard to get the trash man to haul it away - and I pay

him! But, junk does have a good side also.

Junk helps

the real estate market. Junk causes people to move. Think about it. No

one has ever said, "Oh honey, we have plenty of closet space, let's

not move." If you didn't have so much junk in your house, you'd have

more living space and wouldn't have to move so much.

Junk helps

the stock market. Right now, at any given point in the day across this

great country of ours, countless thousands of people are spring cleaning

and holding garage sales. If you happen to be one of them, in less than

a month the very item that you threw away or sold at the garage sale you

now need. You'll make a trip to the big hardware store with the orange

roof and pay $20 for the same item you sold at the garage sale for one

dollar, thus making the stock of the hardware store with the orange roof

rise.

Junk helps

the local economy. The Wife said she was tired of all the junk at our

house. Not to mention the fact that she was also losing the battle with

The Laundry Monster. Her patience was at an end, and it was time for a

change. It was time for a Girl's Night Out on the town so she called her

best friend, Julie.

Junk helps

the travel industry. Julie lives in California with a husband, and two

daughters aged 2 and 4. She said she was tired of all the junk going on

there and decided it was time for Girls Week Out. She flew in from California

just in time for spring break. The Wife picked her up at the airport,

and I haven't seen either one of them since. She called and said that

The Boy and I would be on our own for the next week. She and Julie were

gonna relax, eat out a lot, live at Starbucks, take in a Braves game,

see a couple of chick-flicks, and just have some fun.

A week without

The Wife; this could be interesting, but that's a story for next week.

This story is junk, er, about junk.

Finally, junk

can save marriages. If you've been married for over ten years, you have

the very thought of trying to divide all that junk up will keep most people

married for years to come.

[Rick Ryckeley

is employed by the Fayette County Department of Fire and Emergency Services.

He can be reached at [email protected].]