A mature-looking lady had an

appointment with a marriage counselor and told him flat out, "I would

like to divorce my husband."

The counselor asked, "Well,

do you have any grounds?"

The lady replied, "Yes,

we have almost five acres."

The counselor scratched his

head and said, "You don't understand. What I want to know is do you

and your husband have a grudge?"

The lady answered, "Actually,

we don't, but we do have a nice carport."

At this, the counselor shook

his head and said, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but I just don't see any reason

why you should divorce your husband."

The lady looked at the counselor

and said, "It's just that the man can't carry on an intelligent conversation.

We just can't communicate."

Communication is a key ingredient

for healthy relationships, especially in marriage. However, we need to

understand that each day is a new adventure in the marriage journey. Because

men and women often speak two different languages, you always have to

be on your toes and work hard to understand each other.

And, of course, we need all

the help we can get. So, once again, the internet comes through with resources

that can save a marriage. Someone is floating something around the e-junk-mail

entitled "The Men's Thesaurus." In other words, we don't always

say what we really mean. Will women ever understand men?

When a man says, "It's

a guy thing," he means, "There's no rational thought pattern

connected with it."

When he says, "Can I help

with dinner?" he means, "Why isn't dinner already on the table?"

When your husband says, "Uh

huh, sure, honey," or "Yes, dear," he usually means absolutely

nothing. It's sort of a conditioned response that keeps him almost out

of the doghouse.

When he says, "It would

take too long to explain," he means, "I have no idea how this

works."

When he says, "Take a

break, honey, you are working too hard," he means, "I can't

hear the game over the vacuum."

When the guy says, "You

know how bad my memory is," he means, "I can remember the theme

song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the

vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned, but somehow

I forgot our anniversary."

When he says, "I can't

find it," he means, "It didn't fall into my outstretched hand,

or jump out into my eyesight, so I'm completely clueless."

When he says, "I heard

you," he means, "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said."

When he says, "You look

terrific," he means, "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm

starving. Let's go."

When he says, "I'm not

lost. I know exactly where we are. Christopher Columbus did not need directions,

and neither do I," he means, "No one will ever see us alive

again."

Now, in an effort to help the

guys, here are "rules for male-female relationships."

1. The female always makes

the rules.

2. The rules are subject to

change at any time without prior notification.

3. No male can possibly know

all the rules.

4. If the female suspects the

male has figured out all the rules, she must immediately change some or

all of the rules.

5. The female is never wrong,

no matter what.

6. If the female is wrong,

it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding, which is the direct result

of something the male did or said.

7. The female can change her

mind at any given point in time.

8. The male must never change

his mind without permission from the female.

9. The female has every right

to be upset or angry at any time. It's a female thing.

10. The male must be calm at

all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.

11. The toilet seat only goes

one way. The sooner you learn to put it down, the sooner there will be

peace in the bathroom.

What I really want to know

is, how were marriages enriched before the internet came along?

(Dr. David L. Chancey is pastor,

McDonough Road Baptist Church, Fayetteville, Georgia. The church family

meets at 352 McDonough Road, just beyond the driver's license office,

for Bible study at 9:45 a.m. and worship at 10:55 a.m.).

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