One of my favorite

television series is "Strong Medicine," aired Sunday nights

on Lifetime Network. The show, produced by Whoopi Goldberg, deals with

real life challenges in the context of people who operate a women's free

immediate care facility.

In the last

two episodes, one of the story lines has been domestic violence. It seems

that during a heated domestic argument between husband and wife (who plays

the role of a medical doctor in this immediate care clinic), her husband

hits her in the face. She proceeds to dismiss him from the house, secure

a protective warrant, and refuses to accept him back until and when he

submits to professional help. Her children asked her, "Well, what

did you do that would make Daddy hit you," trying to believe there

was a rational basis for violence. But, there is none.

I write this

matter in my column because statistics tell us that one in three wives

are victims of domestic violence. Which could mean that one in three husbands

in Fayette County need professional help. I counsel women that when the

man strikes you, it's time for you to find shelter somewhere else or it's

time for him to leave the house. No exceptions to this counsel.

One reason

that more husbands are not seeking help is that our society winks at a

husband getting physical with the wife. I remember an episode from "I

Love Lucy." Ricky gets upset with one of Lucy's antics. He turns

her over on his lap and starts to spank her. The audience laughs and we

all agree she deserves it. But, wow! When I see that episode, I can't

believe my eyes. That the networks still allow that particular episode

to be aired is amazing.

In counseling

potentially battered women, I ask her if he has made holes in any of the

walls in the house. Often, she says "yes." That's a sure sign.

The next hole he makes will be in the wife. That's the time to insist

he get some help.

Women, you

must remember that most men refuse to ask for help. How often have you

wives told us to stop and ask someone for directions and we refused? Same

true here. Most men think they can find their way out of their anger and

violence. They can't and won't. It will only escalate if no help is sought.

The big question

is this: how does domestic violence perpetuate itself? Don't we learn?

When children see and learn that daddy beat up mama, they detest it. But

they take mental pictures and those mental pictures are stronger than

moral messages. The pictures in a tragic way say that this is the way

life is and one must accept it. The guy gets the idea that beating on

his wife is entirely appropriate because his dad did it. The girl gets

the idea that accepting that kind of violence is entirely appropriate

because mama accepted it.

Somewhere along

the way, one generation must stop the violence. For the sake, if no one

else, your children you must stop the vicious cycle of violence that has

plagued your family, perhaps, for generations. Of course, this same logic

applies to sexual abuse.

So, I plead

with you to get help. Help may save your marriage and make it far better.

But you must not continue to live with the abuse. A good starting point

is your local pastor, priest, or rabbi. If he or she advises you to stick

it out, tell him to take a hike and get a life. Then, call the Domestic

Violence Hotline.

For God's sake,

do something. Don't sit there and wait for him to blow up again and take

it all out on you.

John Hatcher is pastor of

Outreach International

Center

1091 South Jeff Davis

Drive

Fayetteville, Georgia

30215

770-719-0303

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