So relax for a moment and I'll

clarify things for the rest of you who may find yourselves wondering what's

going on. I understand it all so much better now after having seen the

mayor and council in action.

You see, people, there's change

taking place in our sleepy little Southern town. We are about to wake

up to the realization that Fayetteville will no longer be able to remain

the small town we know and love. We don't need that anymore. We just need

to go about our daily lives and let the mayor and council do what they

think is best for all of us.

For example, we'll have plenty

of reason to wake up later. We'll need to plan some extra time in the

morning for the traffic to get through town and getting the kids off to

school. We should, however, be OK with getting to the grocery store on

time: We'll have plenty of stores.

We'll need them because of

all the new townhomes and apartments and cluster homes. Keep in mind,

though, if you need police, fire or rescue services, you'll need to plan

some extra time in them getting to you. With all the additional cars and

no upgrades to the infrastructure, except for the new traffic lights,

they're going to be busy and their response time will be increased.

Some of us will wake up and

say, What happened to our comfy little town? Do we really need all these

new stores and restaurants? What happened to the little Mom and Pop places?

What happened to all the trees? Where did all these cars come from? Why

are my kids going to school in trailers?

I'm sure this all sounds frightening

to anyone who has lived in Riverdale Oh, I'm sorry. I meant Fayetteville

anyone who has lived in Fayetteville for any amount of time. (My apology,

I must have been asleep.) But you must look at what the mayor and council

have so painstakingly planned for our town.

We'll have chain stores to

weed out the small struggling merchants. Example: Does anyone go to Travis

Hardware in town anymore? What about the A & T market? Of course not,

people only did that before the big stores came to town. Now we have Home

Depot and Lowe's and we'll have another Publix. It'll be just what we

need, and we'll get rid of all those small family restaurants, too. I'm

surprised Melear's is still hanging on. No one will miss that old stuff;

think of all the franchises that we'll have.

On the matter of schools, look,

let's not kid each other. With all the new children in town, it won't

be so bad having trailers. Just think, the brisk walk out to the trailer,

and then the draft inside, will keep the children wide awake and alert.

(Oh, someone make a note, we'll need to get some more pediatricians. Just

make sure the council has planned that.)

Let's all stop being so concerned

about the traffic, too. Just think how much more time you'll have to plan

your day. Once the accidents start to increase, that will be a good shot

in the arm for the body shops. Who knows, maybe we'll get some car dealerships,

like the ones in Union City.

We also don't need to worry

about all the old folks that can't drive. Certainly the mayor and council

are planning assisted living centers so we can conveniently get them off

the roads. That will be great because then we can put up new homes where

their old ones were taking up space.

On the topic some people have

voiced about parks and green space, are you serious? You're missing the

point of all this. All those trees are a terrible fire hazard. We won't

have to worry about the deer and all those other animals getting in our

roads anymore. It's not like we need any parks either. Can we really afford

to waste valuable space on a park?

Apparently not, we don't have

parks now, and obviously if we needed them, the mayor and council would

have planned for them. Just take some pictures and that way you'll remember

the trees you liked best.

Yes, Fayetteville, there is

a plan; can you see it more clearly now? You and I, we just need to go

on about our daily lives and the mayor and council will take care of the

rest. Why, right now, I'm sure that Mayor Steele is out on a golf course

with his developer friends, figuring out what we need next.

It'll all be done by the time

we wake up. Sleep tight, Fayetteville.

Sheila Bergen

Fayetteville