There's an

old saying, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

I for one believe that truer words have never been spoken. Not to be confused

with another old saying, "The only thing bigger than a man's ego

is his appetite."

Well, I'm not

too sure whether that last one is correct or not, but the way Mom cooked

for Dad, the first certainly seemed so. If Mom had to tell Dad some bad

news, she would first fix him a special meal. Bad news like one of us

boys breaking his power tools, cutting the handles off his new hammers

with a two-speed-electric-knife, getting bad grades on a test, or getting

caught fighting down by the Great Magnolia Tree after school. Thinking

back, seems like Mom was always fixing Dad a special meal.

A good home-cooked

meal made the bad things not seem so bad to Dad. The world would be a

different place history would be rewritten and great wars could have been

prevented if only certain men through out history had just gotten a good

home-cooked meal every now and then like my dad. But don't take my word

for it let's turn once again to the history books to prove my point.

A good home-cooked

meal is a great motivator for a man. A bad one is even more of a motivator.

Take our friend Genghis Khan, for example; he went to war over a badly

cooked steak. If it had been to his liking, the Great Khan may not have

gone on his bloody rampage through out Europe and Asia in search for a

properly cooked peace of meat.

Yes, the search

for good food will make some men march across entire continents others

will cross icy cold rivers in the dead of winter. Look at the famous picture

of General George Washington crossing the Delaware look at it closely.

You will notice two things: George is standing up in the row boat his

nose straight ahead slightly turned upward and his right hand is holding

his belly. I contend that General Washington wasn't crossing the Delaware

for the war effort. No, he was in fact crossing the river 'cause he smelled

food! He was hungry, and his stomach was empty.

Seems good

old George had heard there was some Yankee pot roast to be had on the

other side of the river, and he didn't want to miss out. After crossing,

George had the best meal he'd eaten since the war started. With a belly

full of Yankee pot roast, he won the war, went home and chopped down his

cherry tree. Seems Martha made one heck of a cherry pie. A good home-cooked

meal is indeed a great motivator, and so is homemade cherry pie.

You don't believe

my theory about food being the great motivator? Well, what about the great

French General Napoleon Bonaparte? Every picture you see of him in the

history books he's always holding his stomach with his right hand. Rumor

has it he had ulcers, but I know differently. The short guy from France

couldn't handle all that good, rich French cooking. Heck, all that heavy

cream and rich desserts are bound to upset anybody's stomach if you eat

too much of it. From the pictures of Napoleon I've seen, he didn't push

away too many times from the dessert table. (Side note: The reason why

dessert is spelt with two s's is that the s's stand for "two servings,

please.")

The Hundred

Days War that Napoleon went on had nothing to do with his trying to regain

control of the French government ... nothing at all. Napoleon and his

army were marching up and down the French country side looking for a drug

store that had some antacid. Seems the general ate some bad snails, and

his belly was killing him. If Napoleon had just gotten a good home cooked

meal, he would have stayed on the Island of Elbow and lived out the rest

of his life as a fat, dumb, happy French guy.

Still unconvinced

and need more proof? For my final example, let's take a look at one of

the greatest empires in history: the Roman Empire and one of its greatest

men, Caesar August. Caesar's wife was really on him about his girth seems

Caesar had a bit of a weight problem. That's why his wife would only let

him eat salads for lunch that she herself fixed and deliver to him personally.

If she was stopped or delayed in the hallways trying to deliver the salad,

the lettuce would go bad. No air-conditioning in 44 B.C., ya know. That's

why she could be heard yelling, "Make way for Caesar's salad,"

as she ran through the halls.

Fed up after

months of eating salads, Caesar had a great idea for his lunchtime dilemma.

Caesar built a great coliseum and started the gladiator games during lunchtime.

Seems Caesar had a couple of kosher friends that made great hot dogs.

So remember

this holiday season, you can buy your husband that new electric razor,

spend lots of money on that expensive watch or spring for a new lap top

computer, but what he really wants what he really needs what will really

make him the happiest is one of your good hot, home-cooked meals. Oh yeah,

and maybe a piece of cherry pie. Merry Christmas.

[Rick Ryckeley

is employed by the Fayette County Department of Fire and Emergency Services.

He can be reached at [email protected].]