This story

may just get me thrown out of the men's club, but I'll just have to take

that chance. Someone must tell the truth and I guess it's gonna be me.

It has always

been said that it's a man's world and men run it. Well, nothing could

be farther from the truth ­ it's a women's world and they run everything,

and in less than a thousand words, I'll prove it.

Growing up,

when my dad wanted to make a point, he would always say, "I wear

the pants in this family and what I say goes." Dad might have indeed

worn the pants in the family, but it was Mom who picked them out. It was

Mom who told him which pair to wear on what occasion. And it was Mom who

matched them with the right shirt and socks. What Dad should have said

was, "I wear the pants in this family and what I say goes. As long

as your mother says its okay."

To prove my

point as to who is the boss around the house, all you have to do is remember

back when you were a kid. When you wanted to go off with your friends

­ did you go to your dad for permission or your mom? How many times

did your dad say, "If it's okay with your mom it's okay with me"?

I learned early

on that Mom was the person you should go to first. I wanted to go camping

with Neighbor Thomas and Goofy Steve down at the base of Cliff Condos,

but Dad had said no. I asked Mom if there was there anything she could

do. She said, "Give me a couple of days to work on your Dad."

Mom was able to change Dad's mind so quickly. From then on, if I wanted

Dad to do anything I went to Mom first.

Still need

more proof? For the first seven years of my life, our family didn't go

on a vacation. Dad said he could not afford it or the time off from work.

The next summer, three weeks after school had gotten out, Mom had had

enough. She had gotten enough of us fighting, us bickering, and us running

around the house breaking stuff. One day, while dad was at work, Mom packed

up the wood panel green station wagon. She packed Older Brother Richard's

bag, Twin Brother Mark's bag, Big Brother James and The Sister's bag,

and my bag (complete with Batman cape). She even packed the green parakeet

that ate hushpuppies off of Dad's head.

When Dad got

home from work, she packed us too. That day Mom told Dad she was going

to Florida for a week's vacation, and he could come if he wanted to or

stay and work. That was the first year I had a summer vacation, and we

had one every year since. Seems Mom was not only the boss at our house,

she was also the boss when it came to vacations.

Still not convinced

that women run everything? Then let me debunk another commonly held myth

the one that says men make more money and have better jobs than women.

Nothing can be further from the truth. Women not only have much more money,

but they also have the best job of all ­ shopping.

To prove my

point, just walk through any mall, and you will find ten stores that sell

women's clothing to every one men's store. If women make less money, how

come they have so many more places to spend it than men do? If men really

ran everything, then there would be an electronic store on every corner

and a hardware store down every street.

The Great Secret

can finally now be written: Behind every great man is a greater woman!

A woman telling him what to do, reminding him of past due appointments,

where he put his keys and the names of the people he's about to greet.

The men out there who won't admit this, don't want the secret out. The

others who are too young to understand The Great Secret will be better

off the quicker they learn.

Yes, women

do run everything ­ they just let us men folk think that we do. Can

you imagine just how disorganized the world would be if men really ran

it? President Bush would forget where he left the keys to Air Force One;

Vice President Cheney would forget where all the nuclear bombs were. I

shudder to think.

I don't know

if Dad knew that Mom ran the house, but us kids knew. We could make Dad

mad and he would just be mad. If we made Mom mad, she would get even.

We learned early on never make Mom mad. Don't know what strange power

Mom had over Dad, but in my house I'm the head of the household. Yes sir,

I'm the boss, the big cheese, the big Kahuna. In my house, just like my

dad's house, I'm the head of the household, and as soon as I get back

from shopping with The Wife, I'm gonna tell her so. Seems she wants me

to go shopping with her so she can pick me out a new pair of pants, shirt,

and matching socks.

[Rick Ryckeley

is employed by the Fayette County Department of Fire and Emergency Services.

He can be reached at [email protected].]