You know the

scene. The family sits around the table. Dad carves the turkey, his three-piece

suit starched and pressed. With great precision he sharpens the knife,

slices through the bird like butter, then with a quick movement of the

wrists flips the slice onto a waiting platter.

All the while

Dad laughs and teases Jane, his daughter who sits to his left. Jane's

face turns an embarrassed crimson, then she folds her hands lady-like

in her lap. Her hair is pulled back in a bun, and her old-fashioned flowery

dress is spotless.

Jeff sits across

the table from Jane. With a laugh he defends his older sibling, "Aw,

Dad. Quit fooling with Sissy." Jeff sits with perfect posture probably

more a result of the starched collar of his white shirt than a desire

to be mannerly. Though, by most counts, Jeff minds his etiquette.

Then there's

Mom. She scurries about, relaying the steaming dishes from kitchen to

dining room. With feminine grace she simultaneously delivers the mashed

potatoes, refills everyone's sweet tea, and fixes the wayward strand that

escaped from her daughter's hairdo. Like a ballerina she swoops to and

fro, apron twirling in the wind.

The scene comes

straight from "Leave It To Beaver" or "Father Knows Best."

And, I'm certain, it describes your family's Thanksgiving dinner. Right?

Well, maybe

not exactly. Let me try again.

Dad's in sweatpants

watching football. He yells for Jane to get off the phone "That thing

is gonna attach itself to your ear!" She sticks out her tongue at

him, proudly displaying her tongue ring. It glistens by the light of the

TV.

Jeff and Mom

are fighting. What about? Who knows. It's always something his girlfriend

(Mom says she dresses like a tramp), her cooking (Jeff says he's tired

of Chinese takeout and pizza), or various other daily battles.

Around noon

they pause long enough to wolf down some turkey and dressing. Throw in

a little gravy, then a pecan pie from the bakery, and it's Thanksgiving

dinner (well, sort of).

The food tastes

good, but Dad's anxious to get