I get angry.

Sometimes the

anger is completely justified and other times it is just because I have

a short fuse. I do not get physically violent but I do tend to abuse the

English language when my ire is raised. I would like to not get as angry,

so I looked on the internet for ways to control my anger. I found 10 steps

to controlling anger but it really ticked me off.

First off,

there were two rules before the 10 steps, so the Web site lied and I hate

it when people, animals or Web sites lie. The rules are - 1. Don't sweat

the small stuff and 2. Most matters are small stuff. How quaint. It seems

a guy wrote a book called "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff." I'll

bet he's made enough cash that he doesn't have to sweat the small stuff

anymore. He pays people to sweat it for him.

Anyway, on

to the rules. The first rule is to meditate. Yep, nothing like some good

meditation to cool you down. especially, when you've got a big case of

road rage going as you're traveling in excess of 60 miles per hour on

the interstate. Meditation is fine and dandy for certain situations, when

you can walk away but it wouldn't have helped me when I wanted to wring

the necks of the 12 people talking around me recently at the movie theatre.

Sure, maybe I wouldn't be so mad but they wouldn't have shut up and I

would have missed a portion of the movie while I was sitting indian-style

and "omming."

The next rule

is to assert yourself calmly and respectfully. I like this and hope I

can use this but I'm not sure it will work. Let's take the movie example.

I approach noisy people during the movie.

"Excuse

me, could you please not talk during the movie. I paid good money to hear

the film."

And then they

say

"Shut

Up! You're not my mama! You got a problem with me? You want to go! I'll

kill you. "

O.K., now I'm

not angry. I'm terrified. Later on, either after I've been beaten or I

have run away, I'll be angry again, but then I'll be able to meditate,

most likely from a hospital bed. Those of you who think I'm being overly

dramatic should know that my wife was threatened with knife violence when

she gave a teenage couple a dirty look and shushed them during a film.

Then the rules

get a little silly. The third rule is to care for a pet. I have three

cats and I still get angry, especially when one of them howls at the wall

or binges on cat food and then purges. Yes, cleaning up after kitty bulimics

is just another thing that pushes my buttons.

The fourth

rule is to listen, but more often than not you'll just be listening to

an angry person. Using the movie theatre example again (because ultimately

this is what has made me the angriest lately) the problem was having to

listen to these morons in the first place. The fifth rule is to increase

empathy - see the world through the other person's eyes. I do this and

I start to feel 10 times dumber. The sixth rule is to be tolerant. I will

try to do this, except for when I am ticked about movie talkers, because

I shouldn't have to be tolerant about that.

The seventh

rule is to forgive. I can see how this would be good in some cases, but,

on the other hand, I may never see these people again or even know who

they are in the first place. For example, people with large cars, trucks

or SUVs that park in spaces that say compact cars only at MARTA. Why should

they be forgiven? It is not as though they all had emergencys and had

to violate the parking rule. The eighth rule is to have a confidant. I

do and she gets just as perturbed about these things as I do. The ninth

rule is to laugh often. I do and it doesn't really help. Besides, most

of the time I find angry comedians like George Carlin, Lewis Black and

Dennis Miller hilarious.

The 10th rule

is to become more religious and spiritual, as it may give you a more positive

outlook. I suppose I could give it a try but it is likely just something

else that will set me off.

Instead I think

I'll settle for watching movies at home.

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