Thanksgiving

is a tough holiday for widows, widowers, and parents of deceased children.

Often times, they ask, "For what do I have to be thankful?"

It's not that they indeed are ingrates, but the enormity of their grief

dwarfs any of the brighter moments of the year.

Before I weigh

into some counsel, let me say to any grieving soul, I do not know what

you experience day by day. I genuinely believe no one can possibly know

what you endure as you grieve the death of your precious loved one.

Also, there

is no earthly or heavenly way to bypass the grief you must suffer. The

Psalmist said, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow

of death..." Those who seek a detour around grief many times live

to regret it. Grief avoided always surfaces later in life as anger, bitterness,

and even hostility.

Let me offer

some suggestions for this Thanksgiving Season.

First, be thankful

for the good times you enjoyed with your loved one. Remember not to regret

for the present, but to be thankful for the past. Mature gratitude can

remember Mom's turkey dressing while not belittling today's meal. Remember,

precious moments spent with your loved one were a gift in time, never

intended to be experienced forever. There is a time to be born and a time

to die.

Second, be

thankful for life lessons you learned from your loved one. No, we can't

have our Mama for eternity, but what we learn at Mama's apron can last

all of our life. In that sense, Mama and Daddy can be with us for a long

time. I never see anyone rocking in a chair that I don't remember my Daddy

who couldn't stand for anyone to use a rocker to rock. "Be still,"

he would say. And we would do so because in our home, Daddy sat on the

throne chair.

My nephew of

29 young years was killed this year by motorcycle accident. Whenever he

was leaving anyone, he would say, "I love you." He taught us

all so well that since his funeral, members of my family upon saying goodbye

in person or over the phone will say to one another, "I love you."

Young Robin Krueger lives on in our love for one another. He taught us

to say our love for one another. Does this practice of expressing our

love take away the pain from my dear sister, his mother? No. But it lets

a little light in to the dark places. And for those in grief, any little

thing can help.

Finally, try

to understand that the relationship you had was a gift from God. Grieving

parents, who should have never had to attend their child's funeral, may

find some help and hope here. Your son or your daughter was a gift from

God. You had him or her for too brief of a time, for sure. There is no

help in dwelling on the profound nature of your loss. What can help is

gratitude. Be grateful for the brief time you had your son or daughter.

In dwelling on gratitude you will make through the holidays. God bless

you, everyone!

The Rev.

Dr. John Hatcher is pastor of

River's Edge Community Church

1091 South Jeff Davis Drive

Fayetteville, Georgia 30215

770-719-0303

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