When in a former life I was

one of Peachtree City's first paramedics, I had a colleague so terrified

of finding himself on an OB call that is, "baby, coming fast"

that when he was on duty and paged for such an emergency, he'd tell 911

to call me instead. I caught a baby or two in my time, and couldn't see

why it panicked him so.

"There are so many things

that could go wrong," he'd bleat, voice cracking in a high scale.

"If a baby's coming so

fast they need us to take mama to the hospital," I told him, "odds

are overwhelming that it's a healthy, normal delivery and everything's

going to be fine."

"Oh, yeah?" he'd

retort. "Then tell me this: If the odds are all that favorable, how

come in our training manual there's half a page on normal childbirth and

50 on emergencies?" He had me there.

I thought of John recently

when I attended a class for poll managers. We've heard a lot, as you have,

about the new electronic voting machines Georgians will be using for the

General Election next Tuesday. Most of what we've heard has been accompanied

to love it. So much more efficient than the old way.

All those cheery slogans certainly

do apply to voters, I assure you of that. The least computer-literate

among you should have no trouble at all, once you've heard the solid "click"

of your little plastic card in the slot. Besides, we'll be hovering nearby

to encourage you and answer your questions (about the process, not about

candidates or issues).

We poll managers are the ones

who are shell-shocked. If it's so simple, we want to say, why did we need

a three-and-a-half hour course on the darn thing?

If it's so efficient, why have

we enlisted about 20 percent more workers than usual, and ask them to

come to the precinct an hour earlier and stay an hour later than with

the paper ballots?

Why does this "simple"

machine come with a 33-page manual, 15 pages of which are dedicated just

to setting it up and taking it down?

Why is the manual full of references

to VWD kits and Zero Totals and TS units and the dreaded Accumulator?

Why does it contain several

pages titled Troubleshooting, and phrases like, "If this does not

alleviate the problem...?" and "What if nothing happens after

I push the red button...?"

And why did the company rep

keep mentioning $2,700 to replace or repair a machine if we broke it?!

I wish you could have seen

the ashen faces of poll workers in our class. Mostly senior citizens,

this is a savvy group, comfortable with computers well beyond their e-mail

function but they did look shaken when Elections Superintendent Carolyn

Combs admitted she didn't have all the answers to the questions bubbling

out of our minds.

Honestly, it's a matter of

familiarity. We'll all feel like experts once we've been through a few

voting cycles although I've been around long enough to know that as soon

as we get comfortable with it, somebody's going to change either the technology

or the techniques.

Believe me, Diebold, the manufacturer,

and Fayette County's faithful election crew have done everything you can

think of inspired perhaps by the specter of Florida to make sure we're

competent with the new machines.

And we have no doubt that Georgia

voters will pick up on electronic voting, and love it. (Those who don't

can always move to Alabama. It's lots easier there. At the risk of throwing

off on our neighbor to the west, let me pass on the observations of a

recent emigrant to the Yellowhammer State. She went to the polls, filled

out nothing and was not asked for identification. She looked around for

voting booths there weren't any. Instead, she took her ballot to one of

several large tables in the room, where she sat down and filled it out.

Then she dropped it in the ballot box. That was it. Too easy.)

You'll be receiving a colorful

brochure soon with instructions on Georgia's new voting system. Read through

it carefully; you'll feel more confident next week at the polls.

Allow me to make a few other

suggestions: It's enough that the voting booth will look unfamiliar to

you don't let the choices on the ballot puzzle you too.

Study the issues, read the

candidates' positions, understand the several questions BEFORE you come

to the polls.

Don't bend the little plastic

card, nor touch the gold medallion on it containing its brains, and use

only your fingertip gently on the LCD screen.

Be patient, with poll workers

and voting machines. We both may be a little slow this time.

Take your time too, and read

the instructions on the machine or on the LCD screen.

And review your ballot before

pressing "Cast ballot." Once you've done that, it's as irrevocable

as your old paper ballot was, once in the ballot box.

Don't worry, be happy. You're

not birthin' no babies, Ms. Scarlett. And remember, your poll managers

are a whole lot more nervous about Nov. 5 than you are.