We all have fears of certain

things. These are called phobias. Technically a phobia is a fear that

is illogical or irrational. Being afraid in some instances is good. As

a child we learn, correctly, that we should be fearful when we cross the

street.

Yet, in some instances our

fears can become spurious; for instance, when a person is afraid to enter

an elevator. Even worse, when a person enters an elevator and is afraid

someone on the elevator will say, "I'm not just a Jehovah's Witness,

I'm an Amway salesman, too." Personally, I just have a fear of getting

a phobia. Could this be called Phobaphobia? Here are some of the ones

I have had lately. Maybe you have them too?

Alabamaphobia fear that

your family reunion's theme this year is "The Dating Game."

Coiffureaphobia fear

of finding a hair in your soup, then discovering Al Sharpton is your waiter

and Don King is the cook.

Zombaphobia fear that

the walking dead not only have risen from the grave but desire big, wet,

kisses.

Iversonaphobia fear

that an NBA player will kick in your door.

Alrokeraphobia waking

up in the middle of the night and fearing that the person lying under

the covers next to you is a burly NBC weatherman.

Bubbleaphobia while

trying to impress a girl in the swimming pool, fear that you will get

one of those huge air bags in the front of your bathing trunks.

Ad nauseamaphobia fear

you get in church when minister is still talking 20 minutes after he has

said, "In conclusion."

Acmeaphobia fear that

maladroit manufacturing company will finally develop product that enables

Coyote to seize and devour Roadrunner.

Drabaphobia fear all

UPS employees have of wearing brown uniform shorts and socks.

Creativememoryaphobia

fear, while looking through someone's family album, that they will say,

"Hurry up, we have seven more scrapbooks to go."

Worldcomaphobia make

up your own joke here.

Orwellaphobia fear your

pet will turn the tables on you by holding you down and tickling your

stomach until you pee on the carpet.

Buttaphobia fear of

being at the end of every joke found in America (see also, George-W-itis,

Oprah Syndrome and the original, Michael Jackson Disease).