If you are

like me, and if you are a frequent reader of this column it is clear that

most people are not, you are still wiping that crud out of your eyes after

watching the U.S. soccer team defeat Mexico in the World Cup.

Who would have

thought that waking up at 2:15 in the morning would be an ideal time to

watch a soccer game? I have watched all of the United States games in

the World Cup and have woken up without an alarm for both of their games

played at 2:30 in the morning. I'm getting good at expressing my outrage

silently. It's like watching Marcel Marceau try to tell someone to get

out of the way from an oncoming truck.

Thankfully,

the U.S.'s next game is at 7:25 a.m. Friday. I can sleep like a normal

human being and enjoy the game with a heaping bowl of Cocoa Puffs. Here's

the rub, though; the U.S.'s opponent is Germany and my wife is still technically

a citizen of that country. Most of the time this is no problem at all,

but on Friday this will be like I married a Gator fan, or worse, a Yankee

fan.

I tend to be

a very vocal fan with any sport I watch. In fact, I'm sure the pitcher

for the Orioles heard me tell him to "get on with it" at a recent

game I attended in Baltimore. I think they heard me down at the Inner

Harbor. I feel that I have paid my money and it is my right to vocalize

my pleasure or displeasure, though this doesn't explain why I still choose

to yell at the television. Sabine frequently reminds me that they can't

hear me. This is especially true when games are being played in Korea

or Japan.

I'm sure I'll

be letting my hoots, hollers and expletive-laden tirades fly on Friday

morning. Hopefully, she will have to go to work early and will miss most

of it. The less she hears me sound like a nationalistic Ralph Kramden,

the better.

If the U.S.

scores first, then I'll probably be able to hold my tongue for the majority

of the match, barring horrible calls from the idiotic referees and cheap

penalties from the opponents. If the Germans score first though, I'll

be slamming everything from their...ummm,... their...

Oh, who am

I kidding? I can't slam Germany. I don't want them to win, but I love

that country. Their food is excellent, their public transportation can't

be beat and then there's the beer. Wonderful, tasty, and so much variety.

Though it will be 7:30 in the morning, I will wish that I had some Konigsbacher

and a bratwurst while I'm watching the game.

I must think

of things to slam Germany on. Ooh, I know, at the grocery stores over

there you have to put a coin in to unlock the carts. That is so crazy.

Coin-operated grocery cart pushers. Another thing that drove me nuts over

there is that their McDonald's don't serve hotcakes during breakfast.

No-hotcake-eating weirdos.

Oh well. I

want the U.S. to win but I can root for Germany on most other occassions.

In fact, four years from now Sabine and I will be touring the German countryside

during the next World Cup.

But until then

(and even then): USA, USA, USA!!!!!!

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