When most of

you read my column, I will be flying somewhere over Africa to land in

Entebbe, Uganda where I will be conducting marriage conferences from a

Biblical view point. I am pleased that through this particular mode of

ministry, we will bring together members of the two largest churches in

Kampala: the All Saints Angelical Church and the Kampala Pentecostal Church.

I have discovered

that African marriage issues are similar to our own. African men do not

understand the need of their women for romance. They do not understand

that their women need to talk to them. They do not understand that their

wives need for them to be emotionally intimate with them.

Here in the

United States, I have talked to countless couples and I hear the same:

my husband does not spend any time with me. My husband does not care about

my satisfaction in the bed. My husband doesn't try to be sensitive to

me.

African women

seem not to understand that a man needs physical sex and that it often

has little to do with romance. African women don't understand that their

husbands respond well to respect rather than ridicule or indifference.

Here in the

United States, in talking to married couples, I discover that most women

do not realize the profound and unrelenting sex drives that most men have.

Wives are amazed when they learn that most men would like sex two or three

times a day. One counselor tried to communicate this need to a group of

woman by comparing the hunger for sex to the hunger for a good steak especially

if one has not had such in a long time. Also, American wives, in many

instances, have not caught on to their husbands' need for simple respect.

They just don't have a clue what this easy thing would do for their relationship

with their husbands.

So, off to

East Africa to talk about marriage. And from past experience, they will

listen. In fact, they listen to me as if I were an angel from the Lord

(don't worry, I am not an angel. Angels don't do it).

But that is

the key to knowledge and wisdom. Listening and then doing something about

it. Couples have come into my study with their next step a divorce attorney.

I share some thoughts and some resurrection hope and tell them that if

they will give God and me a chance, in three months their marriage will

be on the mend. The ones who listen and do what I suggest and begin to

treat each other in new and Biblical ways, they do have a new beginning.

The ones who refuse to listen and only want to play old negative mental

tapes, they don't make it.

If you are

reading this column and your marriage is a little rocky, let me give you

some free advice (you didn't even have to pay for the newspaper). Women,

start respecting your husband and start demonstrating your respect. Simply

start telling your man how much you appreciate him for what he has done

and does. Did he do a good job cutting the grass? Tell him. In fact, tell

the neighbors when they pop over, "Our grass looks so good, John

does such a good job." Now, that didn't hurt, did it?

Husbands, start

talking to your wife. And let her do most of the talking. Listen and listen

deeply. Don't try to "fix" her troubles she shares. She does

not want you to "fix" her problems. She wants you to listen.

Remember that she has a mind too. When you married her, you thought she

was one of the smartest girls in the county. Her I.Q. has not gone down.

Just your appreciation of her intellect.

Okay, guys,

got to go. Love you all and thanks for reading my column whether you agree

or not!

The Rev. Dr. John Hatcher

is pastor of

River's Edge Community

Church

1091 South Jeff Davis Drive

Fayetteville, Georgia 30215

770-719-0303

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