If Shakespeare had been raised

in the South, the adopted homeland of iced tea, he surely would have written:

"Lipton, Lipton, wherefore art thou, Lipton?"

Believe it or not, Shakespeare

did actually write this: "Thank God for tea! I am glad I was not

born before it." Thus in celebration of June, Iced Tea Month, I want

to honor the world's most consumed drink.

The origin of tea begins in

the year 2737 B.C., when dried leaves accidentally blew into Chinese Emperor

Shen Nung's cup of boiling water. Thank goodness he hadn't set his cup

near a garlic bush. And just why was Emperor Nung drinking a cup of boiling

water anyway? Maybe Shen Nung was Chinese for "Hot Lips."

Nevertheless, hot tea was invented.

Now, iced tea, the beverage complete, came about during the World's Fair

of 1904 in St. Louis.

There was a man selling hot

tea during the World's Fair and the weather was extremely muggy. So, obviously

his hot tea booth was about as popular as the wool sweater exhibit. Desperation

being the mother of invention (not to mention the father of Desperation

Jr.), he added ice.

Just like that, he invented

a new commodi-tea of versatili-tea. His recipe grew in popularity with

its new-found publicity!

Henry Ford, showing his new

motorcars at the same world's fair, would soon invent the first cup holder.

And if you ever wonder how he got the name for his first car, the Model

T!?

So profound a beverage, tea

is the only drink that has ever sparked the name for a rap singer, Ice

Tea, a gold adorned icon of the '80s, Mr. T. and a revolution, the Boston

Tea Party (the cola wars, notwithstanding).

The battle between Coke and

Pepsi doesn't even hold the public's interest when compared to the debate

over sweet ice tea versus unsweetened iced tea. This controversy is one

of the big three dividers between "people of North" (PC for

Yankees) and "persons of twang" (PC for Southerners).

This controversy falls precisely

between grits and the ability to choose a good huntin' dog. In the South

a "tea bag" is the waitress who's been fetching you your drink

of choice at Denny's for the past 10 years.

I don't know how or why people

do it. Drinking unsweetened iced tea would be like wearing ear plugs to

a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert. It would be like wearing your bathing suit in

the shower. It would be like leaving the wheels on your house trailer.

It's simply unfinished business.

If the good Lord had meant

for sugar and caffeine to be kept apart, he would not have created the

glass pitcher. Thus, drinking decaffeinated, unsweetened iced tea is as

senseless as arguing with a Democrat.

Iced tea, done right, though,

is truly the real thing. Once you take your first sip of Southern smoothness,

you are hooked. The clinking of the ice, the beads dripping down the side

of the glass, the jolt of caffeine and glucose... Now that's my cup of

tea.