Big Brother

is watching, which is scary because that show is terrible.

O.K., seriously,

it may not be watching yet, but it will be in the future. At least according

to the creators of the hit film, "Minority Report" and author

George Orwell. In fact, Orwell predicts that the public will come under

intense governmental scrutiny in the year...1984! Oh no! It has already

happened! Run!

Actually, this

is no laughing matter. Since the terroristic acts of Sept. 11, the Government's

stripping away of civil liberties thus leading to the public's lack of

privacy seems very plausible. Some cities like Tampa, Fla., already have

cameras in populated areas scanning the faces of the crowd. They claim

they are looking for crimes in action or criminals with outstanding warrants

and that if you have nothing to hide that it is no big deal. Still, I

hate the thought of some guy in an office watching someone pick their

nose from several different angles and making more money than me.

In "Minority

Report" the police find out about crimes before they happen from

a trio of pale mutants called "PreCogs," which stands for pre-cognitives.

They dream about crimes and the pre-crime force goes out and stops them

before they happen. This raises questions about free will, predetermination,

manipulation of the future and using mutants like kids in a sweatshop.

I mean, there were no murders in Washington D.C. for six years in the

film. These precogs were working some serious overtime.

I think most

people are uncomfortable with anyone watching what they do, much less

the government and people with guns or three bald mutants in a pool of

milk. If we start putting cameras everywhere and start looking inside

everybody's home, what's to stop the police from bursting in every time

somebody yells "I'm gonna kill you" at the television or the

video game they're playing.

And what if

networks buy the rights to some of the video footage and bring back Bob

Saget for a form of "Funny Home Videos" where people don't send

tapes in or win any money. Bob Saget just watches you load the dishwasher

or do an exercise tape and makes up funny ad-libs that make a couple in

Boise, Idaho dribble milk from their noses. This would be a very bleak

future indeed. Let's face it, reality programming is very popular and

you can't get more real than watching Bob Saget watching people do chores

and making fun of them.

I hate crime

and I'm all for stopping it, but we must not go overboard and violate

a citizen's right to privacy. Now, one should not be able to commit murder

willy-nilly. In fact, nobody should do anything willy-nilly, but murder

especially. However, murder is not an epidemic. It happens, but it is

not the leading cause of death.

Perhaps, people

could sign themselves up for full camera or pre-cog protection boring

people who don't mind a camera watching them knit or read Chicken Soup

for the Chicken Soup reader. I would not sign up however because I would

throw a box of Kleenex across the room during a football game, like I

did last year, and the police would think it was a domestic disturbance,

and I'd end up in the back of a cop car. Of course, the police would probably

increase their scrutiny of the people who didn't sign up for the program,

figuring they were the ones with something to hide.

Welcome to

the 21st century. The century of paranoia and privacy invasion. Make sure

you cut this column out of the paper and shred it after you have read

it. I think they are already on to me.

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