The CIA was interviewing three

agents for a promotion. Two were men and one was a woman. The supervisor

gathered the three candidates in a room and said to the first man, "here's

a pistol. The job is yours if you will go into the next room and shoot

your wife. He thought about it and declined.

The same offer was made to

the next candidate. He immediately said, "No way." Then, the

same offer was made to the third candidate. "The job is yours if

you will go into the next room and shoot your husband."

She thought about it and said,

"that's pretty tough. I really don't want to, but if it's for my

country, well, okay, give me the gun." She walked out the door and

the interviewing agents heard three gunshots, and then they heard a racket

like somebody was tearing up the room. They rushed into the next room,

and the female agent was holding the splintered remains of a chair and

her husband was lying on the floor.

The chief agent said, "what

happened?"

She replied, "the gun

only had blanks in it, so I had to beat him with this chair!"

Even the best families experience

difficulties from time to time. Even the healthiest marriages hit bumps

along the way. Often, the words we use inflict the damage. We shoot each

other with insults and pound each other with hurtful words. When difficulties

come, often poor communication is part of the problem.

I heard about one husband who

said to his wife, "I know you believe you understand what you think

I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I

meant." This saying clearly what we mean and then being certain what

is said is heard and understood is a constant challenge, isn't it?

Here are some words that will

help our marriage, our families, or any other relationship if only we'd

learn to say them:

"I was wrong." You

heard about the woman who said, "I knew I married Mr. Right. I just

didn't realize his first name was always." It takes humility to say,

"I was wrong." It takes maturity to take responsibility.

"Please forgive me."

Again, it takes humility to see forgiveness. Once we can admit "I

was wrong," then it's easier to say "please forgive me."

"I forgive you."

It takes a big person to forgive a hurt or an offense. Often times we

want to hold on to the hurt instead of letting go. Forgiving is not necessarily

forgetting. Forgiving is letting go of the hurt and of the expectation

of an apology.

"I love you." These

words need to be spoken sincerely and frequently. I heard about one wife

who approached her husband broken hearted and in tears. She had held it

in as long as she could, and finally said, "You don't love me any

more."

"What makes you think

I don't love you?" the husband replied.

"You haven't told me in

years and years. I don't believe you love me."

With agitation, the husband

replied, "I told you when we got married 20 years ago I loved you.

If I ever change my mind I'll let you know."

Folks need to hear it and they

need to see it demonstrated if relationships are to grow and be healthy.

A grandmother, celebrating

her golden wedding anniversary, told the secret of her long and happy

marriage. She said, "When I got married, I decided to make a list

of ten of my husband's faults which, for the sake of the marriage, I would

overlook." A guest asked the woman what some of the faults she had

chosen to overlook were. The grandmother replied, "to tell you the

truth, I never did get around to listing them. But whenever my husband

did something that made me hopping mad, I would say to myself, 'lucky

for him, that's one of the ten!'"

Lucky for us, we can learn

to say, "I was wrong," "please forgive me," "I

forgive you," and "I love you."

[Dr. David L. Chancey is pastor,

McDonough Road Baptist Church, Fayetteville. The church family meets at

352 McDonough Road. Join them for Bible study at 9:45 a.m. and worship

at 10:55 a.m.]

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