My Yankee wife

warned me that things were different in the land to the north.

Last week I

left my family to travel to a frozen land. Traveled to a place where snow

covers the ground eight months out of the year. A land with frigid north

winds blowing 30 miles an hour all day and night and temperatures close

to zero.

This land to

the north had many strange customs and even stranger people. The natives

pride themselves as being from the land of 10,000 lakes. A form of English

language I'd never heard before was spoken there. I heard many a "Yaah"

and "you know," but not one "y'all" was spoken.

They called

this land Minneapolis, Minnesota - where there's a pub on every corner,

a Starbucks down every street, but not one single glass of sweet tea to

be found anywhere.

I traveled

to Minneapolis for a safety convention (No, really! I went for a safety

convention) with three companions. After landing, we got our luggage,

found our hotel shuttle bus and sat back for an uneventful 20-minute commute

to the downtown area - or so we thought.

While I sat

in the front seat, our driver was throwing our luggage into the back as

he cussed a couple and told them to catch another bus. On the way to the

hotel, he cut off three cars and yelled out the window at a fourth. Upon

arriving at the hotel, he asked, "You got a problem with my driving?"

I told him, "No. Thank you." I got my bags, tipped him a dollar

and was very happy to see him drive off.

Good old Southern

hospitality was not invented anywhere near Minnesota. This was just the

start of my experience. The Wife was right: things were different in this

frozen land to the north.

In the morning

we walked from our hotel to the conference center by the way of skywalks.

Skywalks are glass-enclosed, ten-feet-wide walkways connecting one building

to the next at the second floor. We walked from one end of downtown to

the other via the skywalks.

At the conference

I was told that winters are harsh in Minneapolis, a.k.a the Twin City.

(Twin City of what I still don't know. My guess is the North Pole.) The

winters are very cold, and the snow's far too deep for anyone to walk

around outside. That's why they have skywalks. For those brave souls that

do venture out - well, that's why there's a pub on every corner and a

coffee shop down every block. But long cold winters and tons of snow are

not what Minnesota is famous for. This land to the north is famous for

lakes and mosquitoes.

Minnesota is

indeed the land of 10,000 lakes. It was on tee shirts, ball caps and license

plates in every gift store we came to. The mayor of Minneapolis was the

first speaker at the convention and stated, "We're not the land of

10,000 lakes; we actually have 11,855 lakes. One out of every six people

owns a water pleasure craft, with the other five wishing they did."

I believe the airport van driver was one of those disgruntled people who

doesn't own a water pleasure craft.

During my week's

visit, I learned one other important tidbit of information. With all of

those lakes come mosquitoes - lots and lots of mosquitoes. During his

speech, the mayor said that Minnesota was also the land of 10 million

mosquitoes. They even sell mosquitoes' eggs in gift shops all over town.

At the end

of the first day of my convention, I walked