There was one

member of our family whom I never knew while growing up. Though I never

met him, never saw him, I knew his name and heard it many times.

He was ever

present in our house and seemed to have great power - influencing all

of my parents' decisions. They had to ask his permission before a new

car or clothes could be bought. Mom and Dad even had to consult with him

before going on vacation.

Little did

I know that he would be the same one influencing and controlling my life

some forty years later - in just the same way he had influenced and controlled

my parents' lives.

When Mom and

Dad spoke about him, they were never happy. He seemed to always upset

them. I remember that he only came out at night when my parents thought

all of us were asleep in bed. When he was around, my parents would yell

and never have anything good thing to say.

Though I never

saw this mystery member of our family, he surely caused a lot of trouble

in our lives. It was he who kept us from doing a lot of things when we

were growing up. He was the one who kept us from going to Disney World

one summer, and he was why my Dad didn't take a vacation 'til I was seven

years old.

He always seemed

to show up right after Christmas and around our birthdays and was the

one responsible for many loud arguments between my parents. Arguments

heard late at night through closed bedroom doors by young ears. At four

years old, I promised myself that if I every saw him, I'd beat him up

for making my Mom cry so many times.

But I never

did. I never got the chance. Neither I nor any of my brothers ever did

see him. We believed that he must have lived in another part of the house,

an area where we were not allowed to go.

He was the

reason why we all wore hand-me-down clothes and were teased at school

for not wearing the new styles. He made us wear holes in the bottom of

our tennis shoes before we got new ones. One summer I collected bottles

for a month and returned them for the deposits so I could buy a new tire

for my bike. Dad said he did not have the money because of him. It was

because of him that we ate peanut butter sandwiches for lunch during the

summer and didnít go see movies.

Mom turned

our worn-out long pants into our new cut-off shorts because of him. He

was the reason why she tie-dyed all of our stained white T-shirts so we

would have new shirts for school. We had meatloaf on Mondays and spaghetti

every Friday because he was around. (We all guessed that these were his

favorite meals, but he never ate with us.) And Mom had to go to work selling

real estate when I was seven she was no longer home when we got off the

school bus all because of him. Yes, this black sheep of our family caused

us a lot of grief.

I never saw

him when I was growing up not once. When I moved out and went off to college,

I never talked about him. I almost forgot about him as the years passed

thought he was just a childhood fantasy. Now, as an adult I've become

quite familiar with him once again. He's real, and I see him all the time

now.

I believe that

he's come to live with me again, and this time I fear he's here to stay.

He's once again a presence in my life and his influence on me is far greater

than before. He's started to give me nightmares at night and tells me

what I can and can't do. Last week, I cut off a pair of worn-out long

pants to make new short pants because of him.

He keeps The

Wife, The Boy and me from going out to see movies. We don't go out to

dinner much anymore, and now I'm eating peanut butter sandwiches for lunch

as I did so long ago. Just last week, I canceled the white water rafting

vacation we were all looking forward to next month - all because of him.

He has yet

to visit The Boy, but if The Boy is wise, this member of our family never

will. The Boy has three years left before he goes off to college. That's

how long I have to educate and warn him about a family member that I have

witnessed causing so many arguments in my lifetime.

I heard his

name spoken in our house hundreds of times when I was young. Now as an

adult, his name is spoken in my home once again. He is the root of many

problems in our family. The person my Mom and Dad argued with and warned

me about so many times is trying to run my life also.

The Boy - if

he's smart - will listen, make the right choices and not let this family

member visit his house. Be careful when you talk about him - little ears

can hear loud voices behind closed bedroom doors.

Has Bill been

an unwelcome visitor at your home also?

[Rick Ryckeley

is employed by the Fayette County Department of Fire and Emergency Services.

He can be reached at [email protected].]