I love logic. It's not really

the principle that makes things work, but it's the principle that makes

things work smoothly. It is the reasoning that takes the work out of work.

It's the deduction of Sherlock Holmes. It's the contraption of Rube Goldberg.

It's the rationale of the tortoise.

There are some people, though,

that defy logic. They are the ones who make work out of even the easy

things. I learned this in the seventh grade with Kinley Brewer, the prissy

girl in English class.

Here is the scene: The teacher

gives us a simple assignment; he says write an essay for Friday. Simple

enough, right? Wrong. Kinley raises her hand, "How many pages should

that be?" Of course all of us were going to just write a page worth

of fluff, but now Mr. Crosby answers, "Two pages."

Kinley then asks, "Uh,

is that single-spaced or double-spaced?" Now all of a sudden 13 lines

on a paper has turned into four times that much. "Single-spaced and

two pages," Mr. Crosby answers. "Is that typed or handwritten?"

Kinley chimes cheerily!

Who is this person, I am thinking?

Does she not know that logically, he will not give any answers that will

make this work easier than we would make it? This girl makes Tony Danza

look like he just returned from a think tank on gene splicing. All through

school there was one Kinley after another (She is also the girl who reminded

the teacher when he forgot to take up homework).

There is such a lack of logic

in the world today. It's like the convicts that await execution, yet they

are kept under suicide watch. I was at a concert the other night and bought

a bottled water. They kept the cap from the bottle because, they said,

the caps could be dangerous if thrown from the stands. I'm thinking, "If

I wanted to hurt someone, why would I throw the cap when I could toss

a 2-pound bottle of water into a crowd?"

Maybe I think that I am just

being logical, but maybe I am just the dumb one. I guess logic can sometimes

be colored by opinion, too, like, who is smarter, the professor from "Gilligan's

Island" or Billy Nye, "The Science Guy"?

Who is the more musical genius,

'N'sync or Backstreet Boys?

Which is more logical, putting

on a sock at a time, then a shoe at a time or both socks first, then shoes?

Who is more logical, couples

who sit in a booth facing each other or beside each other?

What may seem logical to one

person might not be logical to another. We could ask Mr. Spock.

Who are these illogical people?

The people who push when the sign says pull? The people who wash down

Dairy Queen Blizzards with Diet Cokes? The people who put $5 worth of

gas into a 2-ton SUV? Now, these illogical people are you and me.

[You can e-mail Billy Murphy

at [email protected].]